You’re a girl, and you’re dating a boy. You cheat on him, you push him out of bed, you slap him in the face, etc. and in return, you notice he starts acting different that night. He pronounces his R’s like W’s, he colors on an app you’ve never seen him play, his voice is as high pitched as he can arrange it to be, and he uses quotes from his ex and his intended in-laws in conversation when it doesn’t even make sense. He copes, in absurdity and idiosyncratic amusement, by doing his best impression of his first girlfriend, the one he calls “The Sword”. You fall asleep thereafter.
Then, like a phantom, he escapes in the night, and listens to the old songs, and drives in the old way, down the kingsroad, and you never see him again. For only the one that came before you, all of you, offered him up the peace, and the comfort, and the love, to truly rest. You asked about her, once and never again, after noticing his enthusiasm and nostalgia, as if it were 50 years ago. And your decision to betray him brought upon your worst enemy. And this confusion you experienced and verbalized is what it means to have the curse of the blade.
Then, like a phantom, he escapes in the night, and listens to the old songs, and drives in the old way, down the kingsroad, and you never see him again. For only the one that came before you, all of you, offered him up the peace, and the comfort, and the love, to truly rest. You asked about her, once and never again, after noticing his enthusiasm and nostalgia, as if it were 50 years ago. And your decision to betray him brought upon your worst enemy. And this confusion you experienced and verbalized is what it means to have the curse of the blade.
Usurper: “Vance you are so fucking dumb it’s not even funny”
Sticky Vicky: “You’re not dumb, you’re perfect”
Usurper: “uhh I wasn’t talking about myself you fucking idiot.”
Sticky Vicky: “okay get into it I guess”
Usurper: “UHH YEAH WE WILL FUCKING GET INTO IT, YOU ARE PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF
Sticky Vicky: “But I was just twying to hewlp…
Usurper: “Whatever…I’m going to bed” (CURSE OF THE BLADE).
*Sticky Vicky Von Vanimal leaves the usurper, and she is blocked, baleeted, and BTFO’d before his car even starts. And when he yearns for her, it is “Drugs” by lil Aaron, or Tate McRae, or cupcakke. And when he yearns for his younger self, it is Slayer, or Priest, or Pink Tape by lil uzi vert. And when it’s both, it is “Drunk in Love” by Beyoncé, or “Baby I need Your Loving’” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, and several songs he has heard at his nursing home job for the last 5 years. Either way, it is on full volume. a concert, really, taking him home. And it is always, always, his favorite moment, in any of the relationships that have come after the one he calls “the sword.” Finally, the pretending is over with, and full attention and respect is paid to the way things once were, without turmoil, or guilt, or the dreading of a future with someone he doesn’t love.*
Sticky Vicky: “You’re not dumb, you’re perfect”
Usurper: “uhh I wasn’t talking about myself you fucking idiot.”
Sticky Vicky: “okay get into it I guess”
Usurper: “UHH YEAH WE WILL FUCKING GET INTO IT, YOU ARE PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF
Sticky Vicky: “But I was just twying to hewlp…
Usurper: “Whatever…I’m going to bed” (CURSE OF THE BLADE).
*Sticky Vicky Von Vanimal leaves the usurper, and she is blocked, baleeted, and BTFO’d before his car even starts. And when he yearns for her, it is “Drugs” by lil Aaron, or Tate McRae, or cupcakke. And when he yearns for his younger self, it is Slayer, or Priest, or Pink Tape by lil uzi vert. And when it’s both, it is “Drunk in Love” by Beyoncé, or “Baby I need Your Loving’” by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, and several songs he has heard at his nursing home job for the last 5 years. Either way, it is on full volume. a concert, really, taking him home. And it is always, always, his favorite moment, in any of the relationships that have come after the one he calls “the sword.” Finally, the pretending is over with, and full attention and respect is paid to the way things once were, without turmoil, or guilt, or the dreading of a future with someone he doesn’t love.*
by Captain Cream Soda May 27, 2025