Cornwall, Ontario 

The population has peaked/stagnated at 46,000 since 1983, as any new blood that comes into the city is immediately put off by the eye-watering reek of industrial pollution, and the stench of farts, B.O., and desperation from the natives. As all heavy industry has been shut down, the main employers in the city nowadays are call centres and semi-organised crime, mainly centred on dealing drugs and shoplifting to order.

The nightlife in town sparkles with a joie-de-vivre as one is at a loss to choose which activities Cornwallites partake in: Bingo, bar-hopping, or break-ins. For the truly seasoned city dweller, you participate in the break-ins first, in order to fund the other two.

The prime of life in Cornwall is reached at age 15, usuallly just after the arrival of the second offspring, but before the first adult criminal sentence. A lucky few may qualify for a disability pension due to injuries sustained during the commission of a crime, which will guarantee them a taxpayer-funded income for the rest of their useless, unfulfilling lives, but most will fall back to the old family business of living on welfare, pushing out another bastard every couple of years so that Mama Chardonnay can grab another Baby Bonus cheque to buy some big hoopy earrings.

There have been talks of late to attract the populations of Raqqa and Baghdad to improve the quality of life in the city.

The mating rituals of the Cornwall, Ontario denizen consist of the female slipping into a form-fitting spandex mini-skirt at least two sizes too small accentuated by the latest stolen purse and 4" stiletto heels. The male of the species goes out on the town with the latest in baggy pants, hoody, and ballcap, with the odour of sweaty polyester and cheap aftershave. The female is usually found squatting in a parking lot between cars, whilst the male of the species is usually found drumming his chest and pulling down twigs to eat.

Cornwall, Ontario by Dung Trumpet June 14, 2016

Cornwall, Ontario 

A small town of about 50'000 people, along the St. Lawrence river on the border of the USA. Consisting of pregnant teenagers, dead-beat pot head dads to go along with them, and wanna be bloods/crips. The adults are usually retired elderly or hillbillies using the welfare system.

In the summer time people gather around areas such as Lock 19 & The Docks where you can get infections from all the shit Domtar dumped in the St. Lawrence River before they shut down. You'll often see girls "scrapping" (AKA fist-fighting) wearing a worn out sweater from the mall, trashy makeup and jean shorts. If you walk down the street you'll usually see a group of hoodlums on their porch and their girlfriends dressed in a bathing suit top and shorts, smoking pot while listening to Gucci Mane or some other rap artist extremely loud.

Area Code: 613

Population: 50'000+

Nicknames: C-wall, Cornhole.
Sectors: East end/Riverdale/North end

1. Teenage girl texting Facebook VIA hospital room: Giving birth to (Insert ghetto-unusual name here). Ttc!
2. White trash pot head: "Yo nigga, wuddup? Wanna smoke a blunt at my house nigga?"
3. White trash mother from Cornwall, Ontario with 4 front teeth, in a bikini while 8 months pregnant on her lawn yelling at her baby daddy: "Get the fuck outta here (baby daddy's name)! I don't need none of your stank ass bitch ass around here!"

Cornwall, Ontario by VERY BLUNT PERSON July 13, 2012

Cornwall, Ontario 

A small city between Ottawa and Montreal, population approx. 55,000.

Many young citizens claim to hate, loathe and/or dislike the city. However, they never move or leave. The city itself is beautiful with the St. Lawrence river touching the whole south side; the trees, which are everywhere; the gorgeous churches and the 'low key' aspect of living in a city without living in a city.

The scenery is nice, but just like all cities there are a few places which are in need of updating. But it is not the residents fault, that falls on the 'landlords'.

The schools are above average and are definitely not given enough credit. They help and educate but the stubborn people make that difficult.

The bar scene is almost non existent, which the exception of two nightclubs and some pub/sports bars.

The low class citizens of this prosperous city are arrogant and completely uneducated.

WHY BASH AGAINST A BEAUTIFUL CITY? THE CITY YOU LIVE IN? YOU SHOULD BE PRASING IT AND TRYING TO MAKE IT BETTER!

Shame on some of these 'Cornwallites'. The reason why the city is bad, is because of you.

Cornwall, Ontario - Cornwall, Ontario is such a friendly place.

Cornwall, Ontario by TruthTeller October 13, 2014