Church Monkey 

Someone who is not focused when they should be, very scatter brained when they should be cool calm and collected.

Imagine bringing a monkey to church.

George drove from dealership to dealership like an excited little church monkey, instead of taking time to update his notes.

Church Monkey by NLMRSD September 20, 2013

smack my church monkey 

The process of destroying a persons day or life, or it can literally be taken as "smacking a monkey that is employed by the Magisterium." Thirdly it can be taken as direct interjection of religion into a persons life.

Origins: the 2007 theatrical version of The Golden Compass, Where Nicole Kiddman lays the smackdown on a poor defenseless primate.

"Why are you always trying to smack my church monkey?"
"I shouldn't have done that, it feels like I just got smacked by a church monkey."

smack my church monkey by JaKeJa January 3, 2008

fuck up the church money 

To fuck up the church money is to do something that causes one to lose discretionary income. For many people, tithing is something that is done once all the necessities have been covered and all the bills have been paid. Very often tithes are paid out of this remaining balance. An example of fucking up the church money is losing a wager. After paying the wager, there may be no money left to give to the church.

Paul: I bet $500 dollars on Alabama and they lost to Texas A&M.
Big Dee: That's how you fuck up the church money.

fuck up the church money by Circ Max October 17, 2021

church money 

The ability to have so much money and Properties that you are essentially Above The Law. The example being the Catholic Church Only a few People have the amount of money you would need to be defined as having "Church Money"

The top 100 Richest People in the World Fit this Definition.

I Got off the Charge because my Dad has "Church Money" and he bought my way out of a conviction because he paid off a Senator.

church money by Cradox Creative July 8, 2018

Money church 

NOUN: A dubious religious entity that is usually out to only collect money from its followers under the guise of mysterious knowledge and secrets, often withheld with the promise that as more money is given more secrets will be revealed.

Often frequented or promoted by celebrities like a religion-of-the-month

Despite their pleas to the contrary most people think of the Church of Scientology as either a cult or a money church using mumbo jumbo to manipulate more cash out of their believers.

Money church by Danielle Belton January 26, 2005