An Adeptus Cunckus is the final stage of an esoteric grifter, the highest rank in the Cunck Hierarchy, where self-importance, mystic branding, and neoliberal grandstanding merge into a fully realized fraud persona. They have spent decades in the occult scene, cultivating a veneer of expertise, but their true craft is financial alchemy—transmuting gullible followers into passive income streams.
An Adeptus Cunckus is defined by:
Triple-tiered PayPal wisdom, where every “course” is a gateway to even pricier “advanced” knowledge.
Hoarding tarot decks but ghosting students.
Doomposting about politics instead of answering emails.
Treating Facebook discourse like high ritual.
Screeching about ‘populist threats’ while simping for establishment gatekeepers.
Name-dropping respected occultists instead of producing anything original.
Framing their PayPal grift as a sacred calling.
An Adeptus Cunckus doesn’t practice magic—they monetize it. They’ve evolved past real sorcery, replacing it with PDF grimoires, livestream divinations, and esoteric think-piece subscriptions. Their most advanced spellwork is a recurring billing cycle.
Upon achieving full enlightenment, they stop answering students, honoring commitments, or pretending to care. Instead, they ghost followers while warning about right-wing threats to democracy, simping for James Carville and Michael Moore, and defending the integrity of the Soros dynasty.
An Adeptus Cunckus is defined by:
Triple-tiered PayPal wisdom, where every “course” is a gateway to even pricier “advanced” knowledge.
Hoarding tarot decks but ghosting students.
Doomposting about politics instead of answering emails.
Treating Facebook discourse like high ritual.
Screeching about ‘populist threats’ while simping for establishment gatekeepers.
Name-dropping respected occultists instead of producing anything original.
Framing their PayPal grift as a sacred calling.
An Adeptus Cunckus doesn’t practice magic—they monetize it. They’ve evolved past real sorcery, replacing it with PDF grimoires, livestream divinations, and esoteric think-piece subscriptions. Their most advanced spellwork is a recurring billing cycle.
Upon achieving full enlightenment, they stop answering students, honoring commitments, or pretending to care. Instead, they ghost followers while warning about right-wing threats to democracy, simping for James Carville and Michael Moore, and defending the integrity of the Soros dynasty.
"After years of grifting, ignoring his students, and ranting about politics, he finally ascended to the rank of Adeptus Cunckus."
"An Adeptus Cunckus doesn’t do real magic—he does three-card doom readings and PayPal-backed sigil courses."
"Once he started ghosting customers while screaming about the threat of populism, we knew he had reached the highest level: Adeptus Cunckus."
"The initiation rites into Adeptus Cunckus are simple—convince people you have secret knowledge, take their money, and vanish while ranting about how fascists have ruined esotericism."
"An Adeptus Cunckus doesn’t do real magic—he does three-card doom readings and PayPal-backed sigil courses."
"Once he started ghosting customers while screaming about the threat of populism, we knew he had reached the highest level: Adeptus Cunckus."
"The initiation rites into Adeptus Cunckus are simple—convince people you have secret knowledge, take their money, and vanish while ranting about how fascists have ruined esotericism."
by Cunck Watch March 11, 2025