soil the mattress

a failure to find a clean solution to a problem with high stakes.

also, a polite way to say someone "shit the bed"

Chip: What took you guys so long?

Paul: Ted shit the bed. He locked his keys in the car

Ted: (no response, because he knows he really did soil the mattress this time)

Chip: fuck. You're such a dumbass.

by MmongerT February 11, 2014

St. Mattress

The church which allows for worship in bed. Some people may or may not pick up on the sarcasm here...

Do you belong to a church in town?
Yes, I'm a loyal member of St. Mattress.

by Sun-day May 2, 2010

Wog Mattress

A causcasian female who sleeps with a chap of Asian or African origin.

'Get out of the way, you smelly wog mattress.'

by Abdul Um Bongo February 23, 2009

Mattress Back

When a woman does not get off her back. Constantly has sex.

Marie fucks everyone. She's a mattress back

by Fingers9705 December 9, 2008

going to the mattresses

Going to war with a rival clan or family. Used in the mafia. Its when a mafia family sends someone out to get someone apartments and some mattresses for the soldiers of the family to sleep on while they hide out in saftey, waiting for a call to do something.

Sonnys thinkin' about going to the mattresses already.

by Patrick Palombo November 1, 2006

air mattress

An Air Force slut. Particularly used by personnel from other branches of the US armed forces for a female airman who has sex with a lot of people from other branches of the armed forces.

SSgt Slatternly did a train of 15 Marines last weekend!

What a fuckin' air mattress!

by ex-phase-shark December 30, 2007

mattress surfing

The sport of riding on mattress which is being towed, with rope, great velocity, and beer-stoked hilarity, over or through a field.

"Paw, y'all said we can go mattress surfing."
"Naw, Elmer,Jr., ahm plumb tuckered. You n' Elmer III go hose off before supper."
"But Paw!"
"OK, when Mama wakes up, maybe she'll git the truck. But don't use the hog's futon agin."

by Daniel C., Esq. April 11, 2008