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Jared

Jared. Well, Jared. Personally, i think he's cute. I'm sure he would make a great partner. I imagine his love to be hard, like, soft in his heart but hard in his head. His head sometimes stands in his way. Don't get me wrong, a head is very useful at times, very important. But sometimes it ruins the mood, doesnt it.

Jared needs to be affirmed that he is the one you're looking out for. Otherwise he will send a drone to your balcony checking on you. Believe me, He will! 🖤
Jared, you smumph, come here you sillix! Give us a hug.
by Krkič June 4, 2019
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Jared H

A dry texter who flexes his tesla and him skateboarding for 6 months. He's a bit of a man whore and claims to have many hoes but rlly likes this one smoth. His crush's dick is bigger than his and a baby pulls off his fashion better than his dog. Jared H likes to send forehead pics but videos to the lucky ones that don't necessarily send them back.
Izzie: Oh look it's jared H, the one with the miniscule dick.
Sylvie: Is he gonna attempt to kickflip again?
*Jared H falls on his face*
Amber and Esther: classic Jared H
by Jizziewizzie June 4, 2020
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Jared Followill

Actually not a guitarist! He's the basist - get your facts straight woman!
Jared looks so face-meltingly cool when he plays (bass)
by Rosie January 1, 2005
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Whaddup I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read

Whaddup I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read is a vine reference used by nostalgic people who miss vine
"Hey could you read page 21 for the class?"
"No I can not WHADDUP I'M JARED I'M 19 AND I NEVER FUCKING LEARNED HOW TO READ
by Kirbylove May 6, 2018
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Jared Fogle

Add in Subway commercials, he used to be a fatass eating Big Macs and Fried Butter but then he became anorexic and secretly had liposuction and all the people in the world listen to him. Subway is one of my favorite restaurants but Jared makes Subway look like curves.
Jared Fogle: Hey i lost weight eating Subway
Me: U lying dipshit (Feeds Jared some Fried Candy Bars)
Jared Fogle: Nooooooooo
by Flippydaslasher December 2, 2007
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Jared

Basically God himself.
Dude, I worship Jared everynight.
by Fuckme456 January 14, 2018
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Jared

A reluctant sword smith, women tend to trip over their tongues as he passes by. usually reviled by other males for having mythical penis girth. Usually compared to god like figures such as Zeus and Thor.

one of the greatest Jared's was delivered to planet earth in 1975 via non earth like space craft - is also allergic to Kryptonite.
probably the best all round rooter in the solar system, women have been known to gush uncontrollably and pass out at the mere sight of his powerful index and middle fingers - so he wears ski gloves in public - or hand prosthesis.
Once pointed at chuck Norris and Barry Dawson in a pub and told them to leave, Barry ran, Chuck fell to his knees and orgasmed uncontrollably - he wasn't wearing any gloves that day.

Everyone should nickname their penis Jared.
Fuck! I thought he was at the fortress of solitude! I better leave town, I heard he wants to fuck my wife and sister!

"Jared" I thought HE was the god of thunder, maybe he's Thor's Grandfather?
by Rooster 00027 October 14, 2011
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