Turd Tethered

When your brown snake is halfway out your back door, and the phone rings in the other room.

I would have answered the phone a minute ago, but I was turd tethered.

Turd Tethered by ima_inspect_her_gadgets November 27, 2011

Turd Insurance 

(noun) - the act of a person taking a friend with them to see a new movie at a theater, and paying for both tickets, for the purpose of making a potentially bad movie (i.e. a turd) more enjoyable for them.

Boy 1: Hey, Jimmy! I really wanna go see the new Spiderman movie, but I need some Turd Insurance. You interested?
Boy 2: Sure, but you're buying, right?
Boy 1: Of course! I'll even throw in popcorn and a drink, if you promise to sit through the whole thing.

Turd Insurance by Jambo_11 July 22, 2012

Turd Swatter 

A person that we all know very well (there's always one that you know) that doesn't have a clue about anything anyone has to say but will take your last statement and either A, regurgitate it back to you like they've formed their own opinion or B, take your statement and repeat it word for word.
The word is formed using the word "turd" instead of shit to refer to your thoughts and opinions as said above your "shit" and swatter to give the image of swiping/stealing. A basic version of this word would be shit swiper or something along those lines.

The word is also becoming a popular general insult in the town of Cheltenham where the originator of the word currently resides.

you "I really like cheese it's awesome"
Hater of cheese "me too its just so good"
you"which kinds do you like?"
Hater of cheese "yellow cheese?"
you "f**king turd swatter*

Turd Swatter by beauwtw January 8, 2013

Turd Fingers

Term to describe the brown and yellow nicotine stains on the fingers of smokers.

"Dude, you need to quit smoking and clean up your nasty turd fingers"

Turd Fingers by krissy betch August 6, 2013

Turd Law of Relativity 

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

Turd Law of Relativity by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

turd-scissors 

A pair of scissors kept in the bathroom and exclusively used to divide large feces into flush-able segments.

I was at my boyfriends' house last night and took a giant crap. Fortunately, I found a pair of turd-scissors under the sink, and quickly cut the problem down to size.

turd-scissors by Trottz January 22, 2014

turd burnishing 

Trying to polish or perfect something that doesn't benefit from, or is worthy of, such effort.

I spent four hours editing my latest Urban Dictionary entry - I'm such a turd burnisher.

Our boss spent the whole retreat going back and forth on our "Mission Statement" - we burnished that turd but good.

Give David the newsletter / social media project - he loves turd burnishing, and is damn good at it.

turd burnishing by Bono Lex January 31, 2014