JohnnyApocalypse's definitions

Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

Fart, Fart, Shart

A game of chance one plays alone, or in a group. First one to shart, loses. Traditionnally, one finds themself embroiled in a game of Fart, Fart, Shart after dining on Chipotle or similar faire.

Kids play 'Duck, Duck, Goose.' Men play 'Fart, Fart, Shart'.

by JohnnyApocalypse November 9, 2016

gloomerize

to glamorize gloom

My sister went through a goth phase as a teenager; she would often gloomerize with dark clothing and makeup.

Lars von Trier's film "Melancholia" is the epitome of apocalyptic gloomerization.

by JohnnyApocalypse August 7, 2012

dadoodadeeda

Verbal filler used to finish a sentence when too tired, lazy or drunk to actually assemble words into a complete thought. Ideally, used with the intention that the person you are speaking to is tuned into your train of thought enough that you are understood nonetheless.

Me after being awake 40 hours: "I gotta go dadoodadeeda."

A close friend: "Word."

by JohnnyApocalypse November 29, 2013

poisonetta

A tasty plant belonging to the family Euphorbiaceae, easily recognized by their red and green foliage and widely used in Christmas floral displays.

The plant store sold nearly 300 poisonettas the week before Christmas.

by JohnnyApocalypse December 17, 2020

Spaghetti Whiplash

The hilarious (yet painful) phenomena of slurping a spaghetti noodle so fast it whips your eyeball.

Did you see that? I told Luigi not to slurp his noodles but he just gave himself Spaghetti Whiplash!

by JohnnyApocalypse August 31, 2014

pornotainment

portmanteau of "pornography" and "entertainment".

It's quite easy to tell when you've ventured into a city's pornotainment district.

Much of the Internet's explosive growth (no pun intended) may likely be attributed to the pornotainment industry.

by JohnnyApocalypse March 8, 2008