JohnnyApocalypse's definitions

gloomerize

to glamorize gloom

My sister went through a goth phase as a teenager; she would often gloomerize with dark clothing and makeup.

Lars von Trier's film "Melancholia" is the epitome of apocalyptic gloomerization.

by JohnnyApocalypse August 7, 2012

Sneaky Butthole

Someone whose questionable actions cause you to learn an important lesson and then they pretend it was their plan to enlighten you all along.

(South Park) While Stan's ploy to distract others from his own dishonesty inadvertently led to people taking up a positive cause, his "that was really my plan all along" attitude cemented his reputation as a Sneaky Butthole.

(Arrested Development) George Senior's use of Sneaky Butthole tactics to teach his children life lessons may have traumatized them, but they sure didn't forget to leave a note on the fridge again. Ever.

by JohnnyApocalypse August 27, 2013

Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

Fart, Fart, Shart

A game of chance one plays alone, or in a group. First one to shart, loses. Traditionnally, one finds themself embroiled in a game of Fart, Fart, Shart after dining on Chipotle or similar faire.

Kids play 'Duck, Duck, Goose.' Men play 'Fart, Fart, Shart'.

by JohnnyApocalypse November 9, 2016

johntroversial

causing johntroversy

The Daily Show with John Stewart tackles controversial issues most "real" news networks would rather just pretend away.

"Um, don't you mean JOHNtroversial issues?"

by JohnnyApocalypse May 9, 2012

Socrates Troll

A master of logic and philosophical debate who has nothing better to do than undermine your worldview for their amusement, causing you to want to punch them in the face, then force-feed them hemlock.

Congrats. You just poked a giant hole in my logic. You could've been a lawyer and fought for justice, but instead you're just a Socrates Troll. Your talent is wasted on your amusement and my annoyance, so yes, I am mad, Bro.

by JohnnyApocalypse September 18, 2015

pornotainment

portmanteau of "pornography" and "entertainment".

It's quite easy to tell when you've ventured into a city's pornotainment district.

Much of the Internet's explosive growth (no pun intended) may likely be attributed to the pornotainment industry.

by JohnnyApocalypse March 8, 2008