pinch one off 

v. having a bowel movement, the act of pinching off a turd

After chugging his cup of morning coffee, Teddy had to pinch one off.

pinch one off by Money Mark August 22, 2006

Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! 

A phrase commonly screamed at people who are taking way too much time shitting.
"Pinch the loaf" - is where you pinch your turd off in mid-poop, to hurry.
"wipe the counter" - is where you wipe your ass with haste.

Person 1 has been sitting in the bathroom shitting for an hour.
Person 2: "Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! We have got to get to the meeting!"
Person 1: "ALRIGHT GOD DAMNIT!"

Pinch the loaf and wipe the counter! by Mrs. Hankey June 5, 2010

pinch hitter

Someone who is asked to attend an event at the last minute, replacing an original participant that dropped out at the last minute.

Me: Cheryl, would you like to go to the opera tonight? Debbie couldn't make it.
Cheryl: Oh, so I'm your pinch hitter? Sure, I'll go.

pinch hitter by ChuckChaser69 May 17, 2008

pinch a loaf 

Using your sphincter muscle to "pinch" a loaf of shit that is hanging halfway out your ass and won't drop of its own accord. Pinching a loaf always results in extra-messy wiping.

"Hurry up and finish taking a shit, we're already late! Pinch the loaf if you must!"

"Thanks for suggesting that I pinch a loaf; it worked. Now I have to spend 5 minutes wiping, then we can leave."

pinch a loaf by bingobastard March 28, 2009

Pinch n’ dump 

When you masturbate to the point of completion and right before the climax you pinch your foreskin catching the load and dumping at your own desired time and location

I was on vacation at my grandma’s and wasn’t comfortable ruining her sheets so I did the pinch n’ dump and let it go in the toilet

Pinch n’ dump by Kentonawesome March 21, 2019

Pinch n’ Pull

When a male multitasks by taking a dump and giving himself a vigorous wank at the same time.

The dude in the stall next to me was doing a pinch n’ pull. I was so inspired, I did the same.

Pinch n’ Pull by Dick Onchin September 4, 2020

pinch and squirt 

The odd combination of taking a crap and jacking off at the same time. From the phrase 'pinching a loaf" and "squirt one off". Usually performed by someone who is fearful of being caught whacking off, or has been busted in the past. Hence killing two birds with one stone..so to speak.

In order to keep his wife in the dark about his chronic masturbation problem , Scott has taken up the pinch and squirt approach while in the bathroom.

pinch and squirt by montyl January 21, 2010