Hospital Appointment 

Ideal chosen excuse for having the morning off work, ideally to attend an interview for a rewarding job. Completely throws any bovate suspicion as hypochondria is accepted as the norm.

"I won't be in 'til 12 today as I have a physio appointment on my dodgy knee."
"Oh okay. I hope you feel better afterwards."
"Oh I will, you bove. I will. Lie-ins are truly therapeutic."

Hospital Appointment by David Cowpell Downtrodden September 2, 2004

Hospital Pass 

Literally (in schools, the military, etc): A pass that exempts the bearer from normal duty so they can go to hospital.

Figuratively (1): A Catch-22 situation which will inevitably lead to a person being badly hurt, humiliated or otherwise up shit creek.

Figuratively (2): In sports, a dangerous pass of the ball that may result in injury to the receiver.

Drill Instructor: Private, why are you out of the barracks?!
Private: Sir, I have a hospital pass... oohhh...
Drill Instructor: I see, that would explain all the blood spraying from your neck. NOW, STOP MOANING YOU PANSY! AND SAY SIR WHEN YOU DO!

Bill: I hear you just got assigned the Smith tax account.
Joe: Yeah, that thing is a nightmare. The IRS are investigating the company and I am probably going to be called before a grand jury.
Bill: Holy shit! That account is a hospital pass.

Doctor: So, how did you break your nose?
Private: I was playing football and the ball was passed to me.
Doctor: That doesn't sound dangerous.
Guy: Yeah, but the ball smacked directly into my face at 200 miles per hour.
Doctor: Sounds like a hospital pass. Ha ha ha ha!
Guy: Can I have another doctor?

Hospital Pass by Guy with face December 23, 2007

Hospital Hound 

A person who constantly seeks treatment at an emergency room for conditions that require a lot of testing, but there is never anything wrong.

Nurse: What did you place in bed 12? Other nurse: Just a hospital hound, they were here last week with the same complaint.

Hospital Hound by Dick Sledge August 21, 2017

Hospital administrator 

One who removes all joy from the practice of medicine

The new hospital administrator has hired a consultant to find out why the medical staff are unhappy.

Hospital administrator by Knucklebuster June 21, 2018

Hospital sock 

The urethra of a male patient used to smuggle drugs ( especially weed) into the hospital, when the prison wallet is unavailable due to potential suppositories.

Patient 1: How did you manage to get that joint into the hospital?

Patient 2: I stuffed it into my hospital sock.

Hospital sock by Silver_Neon January 16, 2020

Hospital Pass 

When a Quarterback in American football throws a high pass to a Wide Receiver leaving the Receiver's mid section open for a big hit from a defensive back, more times than not hurting the Receiver in the process.

The Wide Receiver was complaining about not getting catches, so the QB threw him a Hospital Pass.

Hospital Pass by Twent24our August 24, 2021

Hospital Food

The concept of a nurse unloading a day's worth of shit into a decent meal and serving it to you.

Guy: The nurse came back with my food
Guy2: How did it taste?
Guy: Like dogshit fucking pizza
Guy2: That's Hospital Food!

Hospital Food by BIHTikTok November 7, 2021