Crumpet Feet

Used to describe someone who walks strangely, like someone with pingu feet. Offensive as it accuses the other person of being retarded, and acting like it.

Phil: Have you seen Dave walking?
Adam: Yeah, that mofo has crumpet feet

Dave: Phil you can be such a prick sometimes
Phil: Shut it, crumpet feet!

by matrixbadger February 19, 2009

Crumpets with the Queen

The act of engaging in anal sex while there is a Corgi watching.

When the dog walked into the room, gay sex turned into crumpets with the queen.

by Aschnied August 22, 2012

French Crumpets

Thinly sliced baguette, often served in France as an alternative to crumpets.

Alan:What the f*** are these?

Marine: Zey are French Crumpets...

Alan:No they're not, they're thin slices of Baguette. This is the shittest teat and crumpets I've ever had.

by Kent from leeds February 12, 2009

Morning Crumpet

An early morning dump. That first pinch of the day. May be one’s daily bowel movement or the morning crumpet may also be part of one’s scat play fetish.

I’m so regular. As soon as I get out of bed I pinch my morning crumpet.

I woke Rachel up this morning by dropping my steaming morning crumpet right on her chest. She loved it. She loves an English Breakfast.

by Eaton Holgoode January 20, 2018

Cumputer

A computer that an individual uses for mostly viewing, storing, buying or selling pornography.

My cumputer had a hardrive failure yesterday due to a virus that I got, most likely trough all the pornography I was watching.

by John The Savage February 19, 2015

Crumpeting

A British public school tradition generally practised by the upper classes, in which a crumpet is super-heated, covered in butter, and thrust between the buttocks of a chosen schoolboy. Often used as an initiation ritual. The crumpetee is expected to clench the hot crumpet between their buttocks as the butter runs down their backside, burning them. Should they allow the crumpet to fall, a greater punishment is often chosen.

This tradition is also practised among young gentleman's dining clubs and junior commissioned ranks of the military.

"I say, old boy! If Jenkins is to join this dining club, I expect him to tolerate a jolly harsh crumpeting!"

by Gizchern May 14, 2009

cumputer

a pc used to achieve sexual satifaction (orgasm)

Jamie favorites are porn sites on his cumputer.

by tedx November 9, 2006