When your parents explain to you what cancer is

We all remember that day when we learned what cancer was, but my parents in particular did excruciatingly well telling me that half of my mom's side of the family had cancer and that they were going to eventually die. In fact, I think she first told us(me and my brother), at the ripe age of 4 and 2, that our grandma had stage 3 breast cancer and was going to die. She didn't even tell us what cancer was, for fuck's sake. And the consequence of that was me going on for another 8 years thinking cancer was instant death and that different parts of your body could get it.... Like, what the fuck? And then turns out my Grandpa had prostate cancer, so that was fun, but not as lethal. Another one of my great-uncles had ball cancer AND lung cancer. I can only pray that I don't share any of their fates, but I think one of the reasons she escaped it was because she went to med school. Definitely not me, so I can only hope.

Mother: Son, your grandma is going to die.
Son, crying: What?! Why??
Mother, in a perfectly calm face like this happens to her all the time: Cancer.

Son, noticing her lack of caring: Fuck you. Goodnight forever.
results of when your parents explain to you what cancer is

by PORGSSSS October 17, 2023

ben shapiro guy from fairly odd parents

The Ben Shapiro guy from fairly odd parents is the pixie Sanderson from fairly odd parents and he looks like Ben Shapiro

Omg it's Ben Shapiro guy from fairly odd parents
Omg Ben Shapiro man from the animated show fairly odd parents

by Ben Shapiro real no cap September 27, 2021

National parents-apologize-for-trauma-they-put-their-kids-through day

Remember that time your mom called you fat? Or that time your dad said you’re worthless? Its time for them to apologize! Only on December 31st!

“Mom, it’s National parents-apologize-for-trauma-they-put-their-kids-through day, you know what that means? You’re a horrible mother that doesn’t care about their child’s feelings!”

by Brown brown September 5, 2022

Your non-binary parental guardian has a fursuit fetish.

The more sophisticated “Ur mom gay”. Used to destroy anyone giving you shit.

Alex: “Yeah! Well! Ur mom gay!”

Me: “Your non-binary parental guardian has a fursuit fetish.”
Alex: *Literally fucking explodes”

by Neubekk May 12, 2018

IPad Parents

Parents whom, instead of engaging with their child themselves, give the child an electronic device, usually an IPad, and let the IPad keep the child busy rather than them.

I had IPAD Parents growing up, I didn't even know their names until I was 9.

by Leonidas of Alexandria March 4, 2024

Parenting

legal obligation to stalk a person around no matter how crazy it gets and enjoy every bit of it with a smile on your face while maintaining both of your existance and other healthy relationships.

I have been parenting Zeke

by SvetiKonfeti December 21, 2019

The Parental Mantra

What do you do if you child's a cunt?
Kick that brat out and light up a blunt.

I recite the parental mantra every morning.

by shittickler March 22, 2024