When your parents explain to you what cancer is

We all remember that day when we learned what cancer was, but my parents in particular did excruciatingly well telling me that half of my mom's side of the family had cancer and that they were going to eventually die. In fact, I think she first told us(me and my brother), at the ripe age of 4 and 2, that our grandma had stage 3 breast cancer and was going to die. She didn't even tell us what cancer was, for fuck's sake. And the consequence of that was me going on for another 8 years thinking cancer was instant death and that different parts of your body could get it.... Like, what the fuck? And then turns out my Grandpa had prostate cancer, so that was fun, but not as lethal. Another one of my great-uncles had ball cancer AND lung cancer. I can only pray that I don't share any of their fates, but I think one of the reasons she escaped it was because she went to med school. Definitely not me, so I can only hope.

Mother: Son, your grandma is going to die.
Son, crying: What?! Why??
Mother, in a perfectly calm face like this happens to her all the time: Cancer.

Son, noticing her lack of caring: Fuck you. Goodnight forever.
results of when your parents explain to you what cancer is

by PORGSSSS October 17, 2023

ben shapiro guy from fairly odd parents

The Ben Shapiro guy from fairly odd parents is the pixie Sanderson from fairly odd parents and he looks like Ben Shapiro

Omg it's Ben Shapiro guy from fairly odd parents
Omg Ben Shapiro man from the animated show fairly odd parents

by Ben Shapiro real no cap September 27, 2021

National parents-apologize-for-trauma-they-put-their-kids-through day

Remember that time your mom called you fat? Or that time your dad said you’re worthless? Its time for them to apologize! Only on December 31st!

“Mom, it’s National parents-apologize-for-trauma-they-put-their-kids-through day, you know what that means? You’re a horrible mother that doesn’t care about their child’s feelings!”

by Brown brown September 5, 2022

Your non-binary parental guardian has a fursuit fetish.

The more sophisticated “Ur mom gay”. Used to destroy anyone giving you shit.

Alex: “Yeah! Well! Ur mom gay!”

Me: “Your non-binary parental guardian has a fursuit fetish.”
Alex: *Literally fucking explodes”

by Neubekk May 12, 2018

STANdard parental-directive

"Stop That Awful Noise!" A "nuclear-level" version of da "first-and-foremost" or "usual" or "most frequently voiced" order --- "Be quiet" --- dat parents give their small children on innumerable occasions.

Lucy van Pelt super-loudly passed along da STANdard parental-directive from her mom --- a gentle request dat she and her visiting friends play their raucously-loud "cowboys and Indians" game more quietly --- to her toddler-brother Linus when he'd merely been shaking his baby-rattle; da joke, of course, was dat (A) da merely-faint sounds dat Linus was making were hardly even audible (especially compared to all of da shrill-'n'-noisy "shoot-'em-up bang" whooping and hollering dat Lucy and her friends had previously been carrying on with), and (B) she herself had absolutely b-e-l-l-o-w-e-d (indicated by a sawtooth-edged word-balloon instead of just a regular smooth words-enclosing line) said command ("Didn't you hear Mother?! STOP THAT AWFUL NOISE!!"), and so she herself was making an infinitely-louder racket than Linus had ever produced.

by QuacksO March 22, 2023

ur parent straight

A cataclysmic comeback to "ur dad lesbian", this insult detonates at 1,000,000,000,000 power. Turns entire bloodlines into "Live Laugh Love" signs and converts MAGA hats into pride flags. Warning: May cause Karens to melt into essential oils.

*Kyle: "ur dad lesbian 😎"
Enby Overlord: "ur parent straight."
Kyle: transforms into a nonbinary forest elf
His lifted truck becomes a community garden.

by cupcakesmasher May 10, 2025

chronic parents

parents who are ALWAYS home, somehow

hey babe, can i come over and give you a bj? "no sorry, I have chronic parents"

by nosebleedboi January 4, 2018