Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts.
1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
by Rich Headley July 22, 2008
Get the Jack Bauer mug.The act of slapping someone on the back or on any other part of the body, with your hand in a cupped manner, and creating an air pocket in your hand, so it creates a loud noise.
by RielBandLucas April 4, 2010
Get the Baukerz mug.Baud(baed) Noun -
Origin: Canada
Definition: a form of address, usually to a Hockey boy or puckslut attractor, used especially when the name of the one being addressed is not known.
Origin: Canada
Definition: a form of address, usually to a Hockey boy or puckslut attractor, used especially when the name of the one being addressed is not known.
by UrbanMan43 December 10, 2016
Get the Baud mug.1. Noun
During the commericals on 24, Jack Bauer quickly takes huge shits that are both extremly quick and extremly potent
2. Verb
To take a Jack Bauer Power Dump
When out in public and you have to take a dump really bad and have to use a public toilet but don't want to spend a lot of time on the seat so you force everything out really fast.
During the commericals on 24, Jack Bauer quickly takes huge shits that are both extremly quick and extremly potent
2. Verb
To take a Jack Bauer Power Dump
When out in public and you have to take a dump really bad and have to use a public toilet but don't want to spend a lot of time on the seat so you force everything out really fast.
"Man, I just took a huge Jack Bauer Power Dump."
"Jack where have you been?" "Taking a Jack Bauer Power Dump."
"Jack where have you been?" "Taking a Jack Bauer Power Dump."
by Crapper July 22, 2008
Get the Jack Bauer Power Dump mug.1. person 1. can u pass me that drink please.
person 2 imediatly knocks the drink over.
Person 1. f*** sake you done a baudain.
Person 1 has lapped person 2 10 times on need for speed.
Person 1. your such a baudain at this game.
2.
person 1 . you alright
person 2. yea im alright are you alright are they alright im alright where all aright then everythings alright alright
person 2 imediatly knocks the drink over.
Person 1. f*** sake you done a baudain.
Person 1 has lapped person 2 10 times on need for speed.
Person 1. your such a baudain at this game.
2.
person 1 . you alright
person 2. yea im alright are you alright are they alright im alright where all aright then everythings alright alright
by Isaaci August 1, 2010
Get the Baudain mug.1. A shrewd fourteen year-old inventor in the Series of Unfortunate Events saga.
2. Anyone having mad skills at making and/or fixing contraptions.
2. Anyone having mad skills at making and/or fixing contraptions.
1. I've read all about Violet Baudelaire yesterday; she was quite clever at out-witting that Olaf dude.
2. Your friend Bryan sure is a Violet Baudelaire when it comes to fixing cellphones.
2. Your friend Bryan sure is a Violet Baudelaire when it comes to fixing cellphones.
by Klaus Fisher January 29, 2010
Get the violet baudelaire mug.by rickytwo February 17, 2009
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