masturbating

What you were probably doing a few moments ago.

Joe: Whatcha doing?
Jimmy: Masturbating.
Joe: Cool, me too.

by Chuck Norris' son February 7, 2009

Masturbating Monkey

When a monkey in the forest or at the zoo get's a erection and grabs his penis and starts to jack off like a car piston and starts shooting sperm all over the place, then he goes "HOOO OHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HOO HO HOO!!!!" when the male monkey starts to think oh the female monkeys. and sperm starts to land on you and you child.

Child: mommy, WTF IS THAT BLACK MONKEY DOING?!?
Mom: Don't be racist!!! He's just a masturbating monkey

Doctor: hey Steve, that monkey seems to be masturbating?
Steve: I think he is, we should test his heart rate to make sure it's safe for the masturbating monkey.
Steve: ok... WHAT?! IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!

by theaveragejoe33 October 27, 2010

Mirror Masterbation

The act of masterbating to your own reflection.

Tom: I'm so hot I'd masterbate to myself.

Bill: You what?

Tom: Ever heard of Mirror Masterbation?

Bill: No... That sounds nasty.

by Flawless23 April 21, 2011

female masterbation

The self-stimulation of female genitals. See flicking the bean

by Big Simes January 22, 2003

Masturbating Muscle

The muscle you develop between your forearm and bicep on the arm of the hand you masturbate with.

John: Hey broski, wanna hang tonight?

Joe: Ehh... I dunno, I was really gonna work on toning my masturbating muscle tonight.

John: Oh.. I getcha, I worked on it last night.

by aaronthejoo May 11, 2011

masterbation

A common mispelling of "masturbation" used by retarded twelve year olds who are neglected by their parents and listen to Linkin' Park.

"Masterbating" is for pre-pubescent morons who don't know what "masturbation" is.

by The Observer May 6, 2003

masturhating

The equivalent of a cock block, but when it happens during solo masturbation. Someone knocking on the door while a man is jacking off inside would be masturhating.

Jon: So what'd you do yesterday man?
Alex: I was bored as shit so I was just jacking off until my brother knocked on the door. Totally masturhating.

by Admiral_A1 July 7, 2010