Fear the Turtle

When a woman realizes halfway through vaginal sex that her bowels are full and her enjoyment of the sex has been vastly reduced by her fear of crapping the bed.

“I had to ask Jeff to stop screwing me because I fear the turtle. I got on the can for a minute, then hopped back in bed to finish."

by Ren, the Ambivalent One February 23, 2009

Bounce it off the Turtle

When you are asked by senior management to evaluate an idea and he/she expects an answer with no time for proper due diligence. You are then forced to "bounce it off the turtle" and see which direction it flies. It is very likely the idea will be approved based on your "careful" consideration and it will make or break your career.

Fred asked me to provide a solution for all of our revenue reporting. He expects it to predict changes in the industry and wants an answer by 8:00 AM tomorrow. I had to bounce it off the turtle and then updated my resume.

by Flying Bacon July 12, 2011

Decapitate the turtle

when you are turtle heading, or plain taking a dookie, and you "cut loose" the protruding mass of excrement by clenching your sphincter tight mid turd

"damnd that was a long crap, i had to decapitate the turtle before it touched the water"

by Dan the pc butcher February 29, 2008

tempting the turtle

the act of subtly exciting oneself, by discreetly flicking the end ones knob, often in public.

1.Ethan. "dude it looks like that guy is playing with himself under the table".
Chris. "yea hes totally tempting the turtle".

2.Mitch. "oh my god I'm so board, i totally feel like tempting the turtle.

by spongecarrotsaysmoo December 6, 2009

bert the turtle

A turtle used in the '50s to promote "Duck and Cover" in the case of an atomic bomb exploded. You can watch the video on you tube.

Tert The Burtle said, "Cuck and Dover" --- er, i mean, Bert the Turtle... same differemce

by Mr. Stinkypride February 2, 2017

SPANKING THE TURTLE

The act of trying to slap a turtle head back up your luscious cheeks to avoid sheer embarrassment and the otter humiliation that comes with shitting your pants. This commonly done when restrooms are not available.

“Bro, I was SPANKING THE TURTLE 🐢 in hopes I would make it to a bathroom in time.”

by Steven dickerson June 17, 2018

Wiping the Turtle's mouth

When you are trying to poo (shit) but the faeces gets lodged in the opening to the anal cavity, often known as a turtle's head poking out. When you can push no more, but the turtle remains trapped, wiping during this scenario is known as Wiping the Turtle's mouth.

Craig came back from the dunger and informed Jon "That was a tough one Jon, I just ended up wiping the turtle's mouth" Jon understood instantly.

by Broaders September 6, 2019