Jesus 

Jesus was born of a slut mother. The year was 0 Bc, mary and joseph were having problems with money and were about to be evicted from the summer loft by their dick land lord, Richard Cheney. Before Jesus was born they decided to move to bethlaham and rent a stable for the night. Jesus was born with his natural enemy being Super-Satan who rode on a flying motorcycle carrying a jar of marmalade which made you commit adultery. Jesus grew up and by -22Bc. Jesus joined the us army and fought in vietnam. he lost both legs six fingers and gave a rib to eden. He did a lot of drugs there so he had delusins that he was the son of god and followed bybums all accros modern manhatten. Eventually all the doctor jews got together and made jesus a criminal by saying his phsycodelic treatments where against the law. Jesus was found bumming for cigarrettes in jersey and was set to be hung from an old oak in league city texas. the words above jesus' head read "King of 281"

Jesus, Stop the malpractise.

Jesus by SJ.LC.TX June 7, 2011

JESUS 

1. a hobo who got raped by gay hobos who also was kindly given roses to put on his stupid head. 2.a fagot who got nailed onto a dildo cross by the K.K.K

man 1-look at that poor man on the cross.
man 2-wait is that a dildo.
man 1-holy shit it is a dildo
man 2-what a jesus.

JESUS by TRENTON BIG NOSE January 1, 2009

Jesus 

The King of kings and the Lord of lords. He is so holy and just and He can save you from your sins. He loves you and does not want you to die. He can save you.

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

Jesus by PRAISEGOD22 March 8, 2021

Jesus 

The name that people tend to use when they get pissed.

Guy at Krispy Kreme: Hi, I would like one free donut. Here's my coupon.

Lady at the register: Let me see that sir. (looks at reciept)

Oh yes, this is expired. Sorry sir. Next in line!

Guy: Jesus Christ!!!

Jesus Christ(next in line): Wha-at?!?

Guy: Oh, sorry Jesus. I just got pissed.

Jesus: Whose name do I say when I'm pissed, huh?!?

Guy: Mine?

Jesus: I suppose...but Jesus Christ is so catchy. I'll just say my name.

Guy: Tuff enough.

Jesus by hungrychance14 January 6, 2011

Jesus 

God Almighty, the Holy One of Israel, the Ultimate Judge, the One Who died for you sins so you could go to Heaven.

1 Thessalonians 4:14

“For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.”

Jesus by mrfunny1234 May 14, 2020

JESUS 

A pretty cool chap according to his fans. Played in goal for Tottenham Hotspur FC in the late 60's.

Eddie Wolstenholme (commentator): "JESUS SAVES.. but Best knocks in the rebound!!

JESUS by mr Cunninglinguist April 1, 2013

Jesus 

-Our father who had died for us and our sins and who had saved us from the devil, he who is always here with us and will always be protecting you, for if you don’t believe he has done he shall say to you when you die “depart from me for I don’t know you”. Put your trust in him before it is to late. God bless you 🙏🏻

Jesus is my father, I live, stand and love for him.

Jesus by -human November 14, 2021