Amish Condom

Constructing your own prophylactic using the intestines of some farm animal (usually a pig) to keep you from becoming a baby daddy.

I was out of rubbers, but luckily had just butchered a pig so fashioned myself an Amish Condom.

by The Real Poop Ninja December 30, 2010

condom

dorm room decoration

dude awsome condom lighting around the table

by elliot case April 17, 2007

body condom

a poncho to protect you from the rain

body condoms keep you dry.

by brianthetrumpeteer October 2, 2005

Ear condom

noun. (figurative) A rubber sheath worn on the ear during a conversation to prevent an offence (a wounding of the feelings). First introduced by Lady Gaga in 2011, in her controversial song Judas.

Keep in mind that “ear condom” is to be used in the figurative sense only; do not attempt to wear a sexual condom on your ear or attempt to place one on the ear of a human (or an animal, like a pet dog).

Jameelha : What! You cheated on me with Lady Gaga! I'm going to fuck you up you son of a bitch!

Judas : I think i should wear an ear condom...

by Lostsoulnnp June 7, 2011

fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom

An insult that can be used as an alternative to "fuck me" or "fuck me sideways" and can avoid actions that look like fucking someone sideways. Also an insult that can be used against others because they are simply an ass or they are stupid, and as such, deserve really painful sex.

-Why the hell did you yell your ex's name when you had sex with your girl?
-Fuck me sideways with a sandpaper condom.

-Dude, where the hell are you?
-I'm stuck behind this old fart.
-Go fuck him sideways with a sandpaper condom, it's your damn fault you woke up late.

by gofuckaduck90 June 15, 2011

Condom

A rubber glove for the dick so girls and guys can feel safe during intercoarse

Mark : Oh Kaylee you pussy is so soft Ahhh! Mmmmm!
Kaylee : Will you quit rubbing it and fuck it already!
Mark : Gee you don't have to be such a bitch I am paying you!
Kaylee : Just put the damn Condom on and do your business!
Mark : Uh about that I don't have a Condom do you have one?
Kaylee : WHAT! Your the one with the dick Oh god just fuck me without one!
Mark : Ok ill be sure to pull out Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Oh Kaylee your pussy is so beautiful I love your hairy bush!
Kaylee : Yada! Yada! Yada! Just fuck and keep you mouth shut!
Mark : Here it cum's! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Uhh Oops!
Kaylee : Oops What The Fuck Did You Do?
Mark : Oh nothing we better get back to work!
Kaylee : You came in me that's gonna cost you another $100!
Mark : Uh about that I have no money right now sorry!
Kiersten : WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN ON IN HERE!
Mark : Oh nothing me and Kaylee was just looking for a mop!
Kaylee : No Mark offered to pay me $250 for a fuck he didn't have a Condom so he came in me now he owes me $350!
Kiersten : Well he has $500 and a Condom in his wallet!
Kaylee : Great ill take the $500 and he can keep the Condom!
Kiersten : Hey if you are ovulating I can get you a lot more let's go see my lawyer!
Kaylee : Awesome I would love to have his mustang and big fancy house!
Mark : GOD DAMN'T NOT AGAIN! WHY! WHY! WHY!
Steve : Oh Mark you shouldn't be such a Condom horder they are made to use not save! (wink)
Mark : SHUT THE HELL UP YOU FUCKTARD! (GRRRRR)

by SlopNChop November 5, 2018

cardboard condom

a makeshift condom used in desperate situations, or when either party is allergic to latex
feel free to decorate with sequins, glitter, or family photos

Caitlin bought Sophie a cardboard condom because she is allergic to latex

by jubilategang December 22, 2008