underwear pretzel

The twisted result of rolling your underwear off your ass, down your legs, and onto the floor. (Usually kicked off one foot toward hamper.) Not recommended for human consumption, however some dogs are known to savor the flavor.

You know its time to clean when there are underwear pretzels all over your bedroom floor!

by LN July 19, 2003

Underwear Kisses

A Navy buddy of mine, Don Armstrong (RIP buddy) had terrible hemorrhoids-- they would bleed and make perfect doll-sized kiss marks inside his underwear.

Don's Wife: "Don! You sick fuck! Did you pay a midget to wear lipstick and kiss your goddamn underwear?"
Don: "No honey... those are from my hemorrhoids."
Don's Wife: "... you mean this is actually... blood?"
Don: "It's best to think of them as Underwear Kisses."

by Professor Simon J. Futtbucker August 3, 2018

7-layer underwear wrecker

The massive skid mark left behind after eating, digesting, and farting out Taco Bell. These usually can NOT be washed away.

I am not gonna eat at Taco Bell for awhile, I destroyed my skivies with a 7-layer underwear wrecker. It will never come out.

by Mutchler January 20, 2006

understanding women

Something that is impossible for members of the male race to do. Seriously, don't even try to do it.

John: "I don't know what the hell she's thinking. I've been trying to figure it out for the past 30 minutes"
Joe: "...why"

There's a reason "understanding women" is not in the dictionary.

by Stevu February 17, 2010

I just don't understand, how can I when I can't even comprehend!

A general statement made when you're perplexed with certain results.

Hypothetical: You put a 6 team NFL football parlay in.

As the games get under way, right from the get go, it doesn't look good.

In sheer astonishment, you state, "I just don't understand, how can I when I can't even comprehend!"

by el aficionado October 30, 2013

squirrel’s underwear

(n.) A facial hair configuration that consists of a moustache and soul patch.;

My god I love that squirrel’s underwear on you, it makes you look so much older.

by JSloppyola December 31, 2010

A HUMAN SKIDMARK ON THE UNDERWEAR OF LIFE

A contemptible and low-life individual;
a person who's a waste of oxygen and flesh; the ultimate scumbag of existence!

Pete's wife aptly labeled him as a "human skidmark on the underwear of life" when he forgot to acknowledge their 20th wedding anniversary by having an illicit fling with the baby-sitter at the local hotel.

by weave January 28, 2007