Ted Cruz

Canadian-born teahadist who represents Texas in the U.S. Senate, he helped orchestrate a government shutdown as part of an effort to defund the Affordable Care Act

Ted Cruz seems to have just one goal in life; stop the Affordable Care Act no matter what.

Ted Cruz by Republican$$uck November 22, 2013

Ted Cruz

A phrase used to describe an abnormally large piece of excrement.

Damn! That Cow just took a huge Ted Cruz on the ground!

I just took a Ted Cruz in the toilet. Took me about 3 flushes to finally flush that big turd down.

Ted Cruz by TheTruthWithin October 16, 2013

Ted Cruz

myopic self-righteous, power hungry asshole who won't listen to anyone or change his views no matter the circumstances.

That guy you're dating is a total Ted Cruz. Run for the hills before he defunds your abortion savings account.

Ted Cruz by wonkette2016 October 1, 2013

Ted Cruz

Verb. When you defecate liquid poo so hard into a seated toilet so hard, the resulting splash covers both of your cheeks and sullies the back of your shirt. The experience is extremely unpleasant and aptly named after a notoriously unpleasant US Senator from Texas.

Bro, after eating one and a half chipotle burritos and chasing them down with four shots of espresso, I Ted Cruzed my girlfriend's toilet and had to throw away my favorite button down shirt.

Ted Cruz by Softestalpaca June 14, 2022

Ted Cruz

A sexual position where you ask your partner for consent, and they respond telling you how the Republican Party is being oppressed. You ask again, and they pull down their pants, take a shit on your face. Your partner, if male, proceeds to cut off part of their penis if it isn't already a micropenis, and rape you with their limp, bloody dick. When they ejaculate, they make sure to tell you "you can't abort that precious life it has rights" steals your money, jumps out the window and cuts NASA's budget by half while giving the big banks your money. Never should have had sex with a penguin man.

Wow, I can't believe what's happening to NASA's budget. It looks like they got the Ted Cruz treatment.

Ted Cruz by EpicRealityCheck May 5, 2016

Ted Cruz

When you get caught in a lie and come up with a lame excuse out of it.

I was sleeping with the neighbor, sorry for Ted Cruzing you into thinking I helped hang her picture.

Ted Cruz by Hanali February 19, 2021

Ted Cruz

Stupidity is a lack of intelligence, understanding, reason, or wit. It may be innate, assumed or reactive. The word stupid comes from the Latin word stupere. Stupid characters are often used for comedy in fictional stories

James, a guy: Ted Cruz is stupider than a microwavable chicken nugget.

Ted Cruz by DankAssPicklePop July 9, 2022