Disaster Wank

A wank that takes your mind off a disaster that has just occured, allowing you to have a clear mind to think of a solution.

1) I rolled my car last night. Hit two pedestrians and a dog.
2) Bloody hell, what did you do?!
1) I had a quick Disaster Wank then set about destroying the evidence before running off into the woods.

by Harold Bishop's Love Child March 2, 2010

karen wank

Anything that makes a Karen cream her pants. This includes but is not limited to:
Being told she must do something
A request of hers being refused
A new rule being implemented
Any opportunity to complain
More than one manager currently available
Too much lettuce on their fast food burger.

Oh god, too much lettuce....that's another Karen Wank.

by KosherBob January 6, 2021

Cry-wank

When you're in a state of woe matched only by your state of arousal and there's only one thing you can do. Such as when you've been split up from a hottie for reasons beyond your - or their - control.

She's gone, but it could never be. A cry-wank's all that's left for me.

by causticSodaKitten May 17, 2017

wanking with dinosaurs

BBC TV show (yet unaired) about the masturbatory customs of Tyrannosaurus Sex, Orgasmosaurus Ferox and other Mezozoic critters.

Did you know that little Velociraptors got off by humping the leg of giant sauropods?
Did you know that Microraptor Zhaoianus had a feathered dork?
If you didn't, then watch Wanking With Dinosaurs!

by Hugh G Rection May 29, 2005

Wild Wank

Masturbation to the extreame. A male gets a throbbing erection and he is so horny that all he can do is jerk it off as hard and fast as he can to squirt his man juice out. Usually identified if you see a penis that is much much redder then the rest of the body. After a Wild Wank one finds that it takes a few days to be able to wank again, as your penis is sore and can only be used to pee.

I hadnt jerked off for 3 whole weeks while I was at my grandparent's house and had to share a room with grandpa. When I got home my dick had been hard for 5 whole days already and it took all my restraint to not wank off then and there at the dinner table with mum and dad. After dinner I ran to my room, locked the door and gave myself a wild wank. It only took 30 seconds to blow my man juice but I think I took 120 hard strokes in that time. My poor penis was sensitive for half a week. Had to wear boxers instead of briefs.

by Callum6969 May 15, 2009

posh wank

To masturbate having first gone to the trouble of donning a condom.

The idea being that the extra time, effort, financial investment and ceremony involved separate this from a base, brutal or "lower" wank - the ocassion suggested by wearing a condom would usually only arise in company, and more specifically for pentrative sex with a special other.

i wasn't going to see lisa for 4 days, and i had the time and felt like spoiling myself, so i dressed the old chap up and had a posh wank.

by Dave D Dangerous December 27, 2004

Wank of Shame

To masturbate furiously over the image of an ex-girlfriend. Typically ends with a bout of self-loathing and/or tears.

"Tom was feeling lonely so he logged on to facebook and treated himself to a wank of shame over a chick who had dumped him 10 years ago and was now happily married. And then he had a cry"

by Coq-piece December 9, 2009