Jesus
A long-dead Middle-Eastern hippy who smoked weed and fathered many screwed up kids including George W. Bush and John McCain.
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Jesus
An established Jesus peep may declare the Jesusness of a person, place, object, idea or situation for the sole purpose of observing the reaction of the potentially Jesus peep. This reaction would serve as confirmatory evidence of the Jesusness or non-Jesusness of the peep. The reaction of a non-Jesus peep could range from a look of bewilderment, to a facepalm, to a look of disgust--or simply walking away from the situation altogether. A Jesus peep would convey understanding of the Jesus-ness of the subject through unhesitant laughter, a high five, hand hug, or the Jesus Nod. In addition to these acknowledgements, the most bitchin' Jesus person would readily offer additional insight that further develops the Jesusness of the Jesus topic.
It must also be noted that usage of the term 'Jesus' may serve as an acceptable means of self-promotion. At the appropriate moments, a Jesus person might decide to claim Jesusness--much in the same way a nonJesus person would say, "I'm cool," the main difference being the irrefutability of the Jesusness of the Jesus peep, as opposed to the probable uncoolness of the nonJesus peep. The reason behind this is simple: Jesus is truth, and Jesus peeps only speak truth. Thus, it ain't bitchin' if it ain't Jesus.
It must also be noted that usage of the term 'Jesus' may serve as an acceptable means of self-promotion. At the appropriate moments, a Jesus person might decide to claim Jesusness--much in the same way a nonJesus person would say, "I'm cool," the main difference being the irrefutability of the Jesusness of the Jesus peep, as opposed to the probable uncoolness of the nonJesus peep. The reason behind this is simple: Jesus is truth, and Jesus peeps only speak truth. Thus, it ain't bitchin' if it ain't Jesus.
Jesus by jesuser than a mofo August 11, 2010
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Jesus
God's baby. He was the first baby ever born. God thought he would change the rules a little and instead of Mary, his wife having the baby come out of her vagina, he wanted to be the only man to have a baby come out of their penis. Jesus came from God's penis, and so he grew up to have a vagina. He was demented and round like a hot dog. Kids at school picked on Jesus and called him Jesus the Penis. Jesus went on for about 33 years of his life being made fun of and all God could do is say "Make them sorry, Jesus. Make them remember you." And so one day Jesus got overly depressed, found a Pot Leaf and smoked it with a magical pot bowl. He became high, and decided to build a cross, hang himself up on it, and forced his father to nail him to it. Jesus said he was sacrificing himself for others, but he really wanted people to feel bad for him. He is still remembered to this day, and this is the only proof found of him.
Jesus
Jesus by TheSavior152 February 20, 2011
Jesus
A boy who is always there for you and will go to the impossible to make you happy he makes the wrong choices when he chooses someone to be with and doesnt truly notice a good female when he sees one other than that he is very self aware and cute and deserves the world he trys to give
Jesus by The real tea sis May 28, 2019
Jesus
1. A mythological peasant supposedly born to a deity father and a "virgin" mother who cheated on her fiancé with this deity, raised by this "virgin" and a carpenter, found out he was his own father and a deity's son at the age of 12, and lived a pretty much normal life until he was 30 years old. Became a magical teacher of morals (and simultaneously promoted some immoral aspects), did magical acts such as raise people from the dead, cure them magically, died on a cross for nothing he had done wrong, and became a zombie that appeared as if nothing ever happened.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
2. A storybook character written in four different versions, all contradictory of and in themselves, plagiarized by each of the four "Gospel" writers, edited by the public over and over, all by secondary sources (no witnesses wrote these), who even chose what was real and what wasn't.
3. A recycled myth.
1. Jesus Christ doesn't exist.
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
2. These stories, to me, sound like Jesus Christ was just a myth.
3. Jesus is a recycled myth!!!
Jesus by Kiss My Ass, Religion June 16, 2010
Jesus
Most likely one if the biggest badasses in human/spiritual history. Grade A pimp.
Reasons:
1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower.
2. His dad was god...enough said.
3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers.
4. Walked on water before Chris Angel.
5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.
Reasons:
1. He was a LEADER, not a bitchy little follower.
2. His dad was god...enough said.
3. Probably fucked so many women he could acquire magical healing powers.
4. Walked on water before Chris Angel.
5. Even Chuck Norris thought he was badass.