The strategic act of retreating to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet, not out of physiological necessity, but to create a physical and social barrier against needy family members, partners, or pets. It is a desperate survival tactic used to secure a brief
window of silence, scroll through a
phone, or simply stare at a wall without being asked for a snack, a
toy, or "where the remote is".
I could see the chaos brewing in the living room between the
toddler’s meltdown and the dog’s incessant whining, so I told everyone I had a 'stomach bug' and went for a twenty-
minute faux
poo just to hear my own thoughts.