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Jesus fucked a monkey!

Phrase used when a pub door swings back and nearly dislodges the pyramid of glasses being carried back to table, or when a twat cyclist speeds through a red light at a pedestrian crossing and almost kills you, or practically anytime 'fuckin hell', 'you fuckin twat', or 'shiiiiiiit' simply doesn't cut the mustard.
Used sparingly, it's effective, offensive and infectious.
by TauntonJah November 5, 2019
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Fuck a monkey

1. An exclamation of frustration
2. An exclamation of awesomeness
3. A dismissal
4. To totally suck at something
5. Something you say when there's nothing else to say
6. To have sexual intercourse with a primate
1. "Why won't this thing work??? Argh, fuck a monkey!"
2. "How 'bout that GWAR concert last night?" "Fuck a monkey, that was awesome!"
3. Dumbass walking in on conversation: "You like GWAR??? You guys are sickos!" Guys: "Oh, go fuck a monkey!"
4. *Awkward silence* "Fuck a monkey!"
5. "Man, I fuck a monkey at this!"
6. "I gotta go to the zoo and fuck a monkey."
by Blood Seraph December 13, 2008
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Dressing a Monkey in Silk

Dressing a monkey in silk does not change the fact that it is a monkey. This is the phrase Spanish speakers use to indicate a bad thing has been made to look good.
An Equivalent English Phrase is 'Putting Lipstick on a Pig.'
Note: In Columbia and Spain, 'Dressing a Monkey in Silk' has no negative connotations of any kind.
'McCain is Dressing a Monkey in Silk' - Obama
by Legatus 1TTA1 October 25, 2008
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Threw a monkey wrench into the clockworks

This is when something is running smoothly like the gears in a clock,but then asshole has to but in with his/her two cents and fuck everything up. The worthless opinion of this tool is like taking a monkey wrench and jammin it all up in the gears of your otherwise smooth running machine.
Everything for the party was going just as planned, until that asshole got all drunk and threw a monkey wrench into the clockworks.
by TV CAR March 26, 2010
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Ackin a monkey

when someone is acting like an animal or a fool.
"Man, will you stop ackin a monkey!!"
by DML67 April 19, 2007
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Talk the hair off a monkey.

A term for when a person is incessantly talking shit.
Bob - So i go to the supermarket and I get this trolley with a dodgy wheel...blah blah blah...what the hell do women have in thier hand bags...blah blah blah...Garlic Bread! Garlic Bread!...blah blah blah...

Mike - Bob, shut the fuck up! You can Talk the hair off a monkey.
by pinballpickup August 31, 2006
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