A reverse mormon is a salacious, well-endowed woman who collects husbands like a grandmother bargain-hunting at a yard sale.
Celeste really tailored her team of suitors to her liking. She's a real maverick for reverse mormon bachelorettes everywhere.
by Kuaile August 9, 2018
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Busting a nut on any verse found within “The Book of Mormon” & then showing it to the Bishop during a routine “interview.” “The Mormon Tradition” is an ideal counter-response when any so-called church leader asks ridiculously moronic questions concerning one’s sexual activity.
by FalafelTits95 May 23, 2019
Get the The Mormon Tradition mug.When you're recovering Mormon fiance finds her inner freak and shoves a Hitachi up your ass while she has you tied up and and blind folded.
by Earnhardt fears walls July 22, 2019
Get the stormin anal mormon mug.Community collge with a price tag on it. Modified high school. A school that punishes students that plagiarize with a B instead of an A. A school that gives out A's to prevent girls from crying. A school that will cost you an arm and a leg to go to for a worthless education. Only local rich kids will attend the school. And, no, the sports teams aren't any good. It's not hard to be on the top of a division that consists of reject high school players.
1. He got into Monmouth University with a 900 on his SAT.
2. She went to Monmouth University to recieve training as a bad high school teacher.
2. She went to Monmouth University to recieve training as a bad high school teacher.
by ana hineb September 28, 2005
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Get the Monhoney mug.Believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I spent 18 years of my life as a mormon, and have since denounced my "birthright" by finally breaking free from the monotonous thinking and lessons drilled into my head. I have heard all the lessons many, many times and do understand what I'm talking about--- I was once an active mormon who "believed" in it completely. With that being said, let's begin:
They believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet, saw God, and translated the golden plates into what is called "The Book of Mormon." (Hence, the term "mormon") They have thirteen articles of faith describing their beliefs.
There are 3 sections of heaven (Celstial being the highest, Telestial is the middle, and Terrestial is the lowest) and "hell" is called "outer darkness" and only very special people who have actually "seen" God and "know" the church is true but deny it go there. Only good mormons get to go to the highest level of heaven and only those in the top will become "Gods" of their own planets. (It's the true belief. I've heard it a billion times. It is also one reason I left the church--- Only mormons are allowed in the highest degree of heaven, but no worries, if you convert you get to be special too! :D ...I find that to be concieted, elitist bull shit.)
*There is to be no sex before marriage. (In fact, it is highly discourage to even engaed in "Passionate Kissing" because it arouses sexual feelings. I don't lie--- see the "Strength of the Youth" pamphlet all lovely mormon kids get. I think that sounds like a scary transition from nothing before marriage to all of a sudden sex after.)
*No drugs, no alcohol, no coffee, and no tea are allowed. (additionally, drinking caffiene is discouraged)
*Guys are encourage to go on missions when they turn 19, though girls can go too if they wish. They pay for it with their own money.(and though people say it's of their own free will, and there is no pressure... there is actually a big deal of pressure and a lot of Mormon girls refuse to marry a guy if they haven't gone on their mission. {I was a mormon. I live in Utah. I have seen that many times.})
*They also believe that being a homosexual is a sin. It is bad to be gay, and the person has "chosen" to be gay rather than being born that way. (One BIG reason I left the church. This has always bugged me. I don't think being gay is a sin, I don't think they choose to be gay, I think it's just predjudice crap.)
*Females' main purpose is to have children and to be a mother. They get no position of power in the church except for over other women. (They try to placate women by saying that they are super duper special because they get to have kids, making them very holy :D yay! ... that's just not even fair. Also, I have had lessons about how it is bad for women to be in the workforce because their place is in the home and that's where god wants them... As you can see, this another reason I left the church--- I get fucked over for being a girl. :D)
*Also, blacks were not allowed to have preisthood (a special gift given only to the men that allows them to bless people, and have high church positions) in the Church until all of a sudden "God" says it's time to give them the power... Amazing how that happened around the same time as the Civil Rights Movement... It certainly wasn't social pressure that made them change their minds about black people... certainly not... it was "God."
I do feel like most people born into the church were brainwashed (but you'll get mauled if you say that to them) but I think they do the best they can. And if it works for them, great! Didn't work for me...
Mormons are typically very nice, helpful people though and I am glad that they stand up for what they believe is true. :) and who knows, maybe they're right... but i doubt it.
I spent 18 years of my life as a mormon, and have since denounced my "birthright" by finally breaking free from the monotonous thinking and lessons drilled into my head. I have heard all the lessons many, many times and do understand what I'm talking about--- I was once an active mormon who "believed" in it completely. With that being said, let's begin:
They believe that Joseph Smith was a prophet, saw God, and translated the golden plates into what is called "The Book of Mormon." (Hence, the term "mormon") They have thirteen articles of faith describing their beliefs.
There are 3 sections of heaven (Celstial being the highest, Telestial is the middle, and Terrestial is the lowest) and "hell" is called "outer darkness" and only very special people who have actually "seen" God and "know" the church is true but deny it go there. Only good mormons get to go to the highest level of heaven and only those in the top will become "Gods" of their own planets. (It's the true belief. I've heard it a billion times. It is also one reason I left the church--- Only mormons are allowed in the highest degree of heaven, but no worries, if you convert you get to be special too! :D ...I find that to be concieted, elitist bull shit.)
*There is to be no sex before marriage. (In fact, it is highly discourage to even engaed in "Passionate Kissing" because it arouses sexual feelings. I don't lie--- see the "Strength of the Youth" pamphlet all lovely mormon kids get. I think that sounds like a scary transition from nothing before marriage to all of a sudden sex after.)
*No drugs, no alcohol, no coffee, and no tea are allowed. (additionally, drinking caffiene is discouraged)
*Guys are encourage to go on missions when they turn 19, though girls can go too if they wish. They pay for it with their own money.(and though people say it's of their own free will, and there is no pressure... there is actually a big deal of pressure and a lot of Mormon girls refuse to marry a guy if they haven't gone on their mission. {I was a mormon. I live in Utah. I have seen that many times.})
*They also believe that being a homosexual is a sin. It is bad to be gay, and the person has "chosen" to be gay rather than being born that way. (One BIG reason I left the church. This has always bugged me. I don't think being gay is a sin, I don't think they choose to be gay, I think it's just predjudice crap.)
*Females' main purpose is to have children and to be a mother. They get no position of power in the church except for over other women. (They try to placate women by saying that they are super duper special because they get to have kids, making them very holy :D yay! ... that's just not even fair. Also, I have had lessons about how it is bad for women to be in the workforce because their place is in the home and that's where god wants them... As you can see, this another reason I left the church--- I get fucked over for being a girl. :D)
*Also, blacks were not allowed to have preisthood (a special gift given only to the men that allows them to bless people, and have high church positions) in the Church until all of a sudden "God" says it's time to give them the power... Amazing how that happened around the same time as the Civil Rights Movement... It certainly wasn't social pressure that made them change their minds about black people... certainly not... it was "God."
I do feel like most people born into the church were brainwashed (but you'll get mauled if you say that to them) but I think they do the best they can. And if it works for them, great! Didn't work for me...
Mormons are typically very nice, helpful people though and I am glad that they stand up for what they believe is true. :) and who knows, maybe they're right... but i doubt it.
Mormons are sexist, homophobic ex-racists... But they mean well and have good beliefs in home, family, and helping others.
by Sai52 May 15, 2008
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