Jesus

A guy named Jesus has many talents and is really good at being a dick when needed. But if you leave him alone, he can be a great friend, partner and lover. But the moment you push his buttons he’ll give you hell.

Someone-Why haven’t you done this?

Jesus- bitch mind your own business.

by Sausage! My ass!. November 23, 2021

Luke Jesus

A man who has people around him constantly saying he has a massive penis, whether he does or not.

Awesome Lesbian: You see that Blue Yeti microphone? Yeah that's the size of Luke Jesus penis.

by thebsb July 26, 2020

jesus

The Jewish religious teacher whose life, death, and resurrection. (thats it)

jessica: I love jesus!
jake: I know right!

by avilover12 November 22, 2021

Jesus Tear

that tear someone(preferably a chick) gets when she’s sucking your dick and goes to deep....

(on chick to another) i went down on him so deep i gag’d n got a jesus tear

by bootsherk March 27, 2018

Bongrat Jesus

God in human form, but also a Bong rat (and therefore greater than God himself).

Only Bongrat Jesus himself could pull that off!

by (( (gyfgdfdf October 20, 2021

Jesus's Army

Jesus's Army are a peaceful Christian organisation who usually drive around to their religious gatherings in rainbow or multi coloured vehicles usually dilapidated vans or mini buses. Jesus's Army love to spread the word of our Lord and Saviour through rustic songs acapella style or often led by tambourine's, maracas,spoons and entry level guitar playing.
Unfortunately due to Jesus's Army only feeling love and seeing good in their fellow man they can often fall foul of being abused by drunken thugs who will initially express a real interest in turning their sad lives around with Jesus's help only to blag free rides to their next watering hole and further cementing their own place in Hell.

Dave we've drank and gambled all our money on fruit machines. We literally only have enough for 4 more pints each with no cash machine visits available and we still need to get home with no money for a taxi.
Fear not there is some rainbow coloured van there with a heavy smell of marijuana and Christian love exuding from it. That is definitely Jesus's Army and if we tell them we are interested in signing up and turning our lives around with the help of the Lord I think we can blag a lift.

by Another pseudonymal August 5, 2022

Jesus

What my manager calls the church a few minutes up the road from my house

My manager when he drops me home: "I am going to take you to Jesus!"

by Jack Spank9049 January 7, 2023