The second coming of Jesus Christ 

Someone that can turn their poop into wine.

Random guy: "I'm the second coming of Jesus Christ."

Eric Andre: " PROVE IT. TURN THAT POOP INTO WINE- TURN THAT POOP INTO WINE-"

The second coming of Jesus Christ by L. Ron Hoyabembe May 12, 2021

V-Jesus 

V-Jesus is when a car powered by a Honda Engine with VTEC hits 6,000rpm's and then continues to exceed passed the magical stock redline embracing hitting 9,000rpm's releasing Jesus from your engine. Once released, Jesus cast a light of enlightenment showing you have hit V-Jesus and that it is now time to shift.

Did you see that flare, John hit V-Jesus!

V-Jesus by batmang January 24, 2005

black jesus 

Something that white people hate and can not admit since the real Jesus was black.

White Person: Jesus was black? NO WAY! TIME FOR SUICIDE!

black jesus by bebo January 10, 2005

Fuck Jesus 

What you say when you fuck Jesus

"YO, I JUST FUCKED A JESUs!"

Fuck Jesus by Chaplin Sinatra Fonzarelli March 23, 2005

I know Jesus loves YOU! 

Someone making a statement acknowledging your ability to walk away from an over-the-top ridiculously dangerous situation unscathed (or with only minor injuries). Leading a charmed life.

Exiting a car accident where you were not wearing a seatbelt and you have only minor cuts; while another passenger who was wearing a seatbelt is being rushed to the hosptial to become an organ donor. A bystander says to you: I know Jesus loves YOU!

I know Jesus loves YOU! by Mychelle C. August 17, 2005

let Jesus out of the capsule 

The act of performing much needed bowel movements to alleviate the buildup of fecile matter. The pressure differential after the act results in a heavenly feeling with minimal flatulence.

I'm sorry I made us miss our flight, but that was the first time let Jesus out of the capsule in three days and I was enjoying every second of it.

let Jesus out of the capsule by SatelliteDaddy June 2, 2010

Snake Oil Jesus 

noun: The person usually relied upon to achieve what amounts to a miracle when given impossible circumstances. This person is often found in a workplace, is underpaid and overworked, and usually ends up going postal. Also referred to as a 'discount miracle worker'.

Boss: "Jimmy, I need you to compile the last 3 years of P&L statements for the board meeting in 30 minutes."
Jimmy: "Right! What do I look like, some Snake Oil Jesus?"
Boss: "I knew I could count on you to come through. See you in 30!"
Jimmy: *sigh*

Snake Oil Jesus by Jaq Lemur December 9, 2008