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Boston Pizza

Also referred to as a BP, or Blanket Party. It's a group attack on a problematic military service member. The victim is quickly covered with a blanket to prevent them from fighting back or identifying anyone. They are then given a series of blows - not designed to injure, but to change the problematic behavior. If they are pro-active, one of the group members will also instruct the lucky member about their expected changes or desired behavior - delivered in a menacing whisper.

It's usually done at night in the barracks after everyone is asleep - especially the corporal who is assigned barracks duty that evening. Ideally, blanket parties are used to bring bullies into line, or to motivate someone who needs to "get a grip", but without guidance, many attacks also target minorities. It is tolerated by NCOs (non-commissioned officers/training or conducting staff) who may view it as a means of "self policing" among lower ranks and trainees.

When comparing definitions, it's not hard to imagine if someone regularly BPs around his friends and associates, that they may want to correct that behavior. Used prudently, a Blanket Party can address problems faster than a Drill Sergeant's boot. Unfortunately, recruits aren't usually schooled in the "finer" aspects of this tradition - sometimes leading to outright abuse.
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Private Bloggins is f*ing gripless! He's always doggin' it, and making Foxtrot Company late! He always earns us extra duties due to his sub-standard performance and attitude! You're in his section - why don't you guys give him a Boston Pizza to tune him up?

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Wisely, to reduce unexpected injuries or morale problems, the Sergeant had specifically forbidden the recruits from conducting an "unauthorized" Blanket Party. To obtain "unofficial" permission, it was first necessary to rationally describe the desired outcome to a Corporal or Sergeant. Doing otherwise would be grounds for immediate discipline.

Two eager recruits ran up to the Sergeant, "Sergeant, can we give Smith a Blanket Party?"

"Tsk tsk. You must know that I can't condone vigilante justice. And just exactly why would you want to do such a thing?"

They described in detail the problems which the Sergeant was all-too-aware of, and told him how it wasn't just affecting his platoon - that it brought the whole company down.

"Hmmmm. Well, you know that if something like this were to occur, any cuts & bruises would certainly be enough evidence to have you tossed into cells. See that it doesn't become as severe as that. Oh! And if anyone asks, tell them that I'll be in "my office" (a toilet stall) for the next 10 minutes catching up on paperwork...", and with that, he spun on his heel towards the heads.

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by Valorous Ignominy October 18, 2019
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