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two monkeys fucking a football

When a pair of people are having extreme difficulty performing a task. Usually due to the complexity or physical effort of the task involved. Or the inability to get their efforts coordinated enough to complete the task.
Did you see those two trying to get that riding lawnmower off of that pickup truck? They looked like two monkeys fucking a football.
by slipsheet December 13, 2004
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five monkeys

The Way Things Are Done:

Start with 5 monkeys locked in a cage.

Hang a banana from the roof on a string and place a set of stairs under it.

Before long the monkeys will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana.

As soon as the first monkey touches the stairs, hose the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes an attempt with the same result. All the other are sprayed with cold water.

Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and goes to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm!

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water.

Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been done around here. And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.
Example of "five monkeys" in action:

Why? / Why not?

-because that's the way things are done around here.
by Ramon NZ November 3, 2008
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100 Monkeys

A California-based band with a worldwide audience. With a genre of music that can't quite be placed, (something between Indie/Rock/Jazz/Country) this fledgling band is slowly but surely growing in fame. The band members include Jerad Anderson, Benjamin Graupner, Lawrence Abrams, Benjamin Johnson, and Jackson Rathbone. The 100 Monkeys are as unique as they are awesome with a Bananager named Marty, a scientist named Scott Coslett, and a dog named Gus, and a very wise friend by the name of Spencer Bell.
Jessica: Hey do you wanna go see the 100 Monkeys with me?

Johanna: Yes!

Jessica: They're playing in L.A. this weekend.

Johanna: Let's go then.

Jackson Rathbone Spencer Bell
by Riverwater October 28, 2010
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arctic monkeys

The biggest thing to come out of sheffield since...steel. Are soon becoming the next 'big' thing. See beatlemania

they tell it like it is:-mardy bum/scummy/a certain romance

totally packed out the tent at leeds '05
"...and just cos he's had a couple of cans, he thinks its allright to act like a dickhead"

person A> arctic monkeys rock
person B> yeah, best get tickets...fast!
by D Lancaster September 19, 2005
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even monkeys fall from trees

Old japanese words of wisdom, used when you embarrassingly fucked up something, you thought you were the bee's knees at.
Girlfriend "Dude, you sucked tonight!"

Boyfriend "Well, even monkeys fall from trees. Bitch."
by EndlessMike November 20, 2013
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cheese eating surrender monkeys

The French, collectively, as a people.
From the Simpsons, said by groundskeeper willy when substituting for a french class,
Bonjour ya cheese-eating surrender monkeys!
by Subeej March 31, 2003
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Arctic monkeys

The species of monkey, that originates from the Arctic (and Sheffield). They rock the british-new-music-scene’s socks off
by je5u5 October 2, 2005
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