masturbatory contingency

The natural mental ability all people possess that allows them to quickly and dynamically assess the situation and environment they are in to decide whether or not it is practical to masturbate at the exact moment in time.

My mother wasn't due to be back home for another 10 minutes, so I thought I'd slip in a quick wank. However, masturbatory contingency told me that it wasn't worth taking any chance of her walking in on me.

by Scekhcsy Foxmonk August 8, 2010

masturbator's cramp

Pain and swelling in the muscle around the mid-arm, elbow area which is caused by excessive masturbating. Not to be confused with Gamer's Wrist.

"Look at that huge whelp on Johnny's arm. Think he gets beaten?"

"Nah, it's probably Masturbator's Cramp."

by DesPERRYado April 21, 2005

masturbate

What guys do all the time and girls never admit to doing.

Guy: Come on, everyone does it. Don't be ashamed to admit you masturbate.
Girl: Ew gross, I would never touch myself.

by Peopleplz June 7, 2009

masturhater

a person who strongly dislikes masturbation

"hey lila wanna masturbate tonight?"

"nah im a masturhater"

by squatfucker420 January 29, 2017

stress masturbate

When one engages in vigorous masturbation as a means of immediate stress relief.

After he was asked to re-do the assignment, Bryce went to stress masturbate before getting down to work.

by Williamsburg Rabbi February 9, 2015

masturbatory overtones

When someone has that hint of touching themselves in their voice when talking to them on the phone or from behind a closed door.

I called my boy Joe and between the echo sound from the bathroom and the vibes in his voice, I totally detected some masturbatory overtones.

by Korbenbirdman March 13, 2011

macturbate

v. to pleasure oneself through use of an Apple product

Once Mike gets the new iPhone he's going to macturbate for a week straight.

by eponymousrhinocerous September 11, 2012