jesus 

jesus (verb) to make a girl cum twice. (derived from the second coming of Jesus Christ)

Person1: Is your girl still mad at you?
Person2: Nah I jesus'd her and we're good now.

jesus by Cock and Ball Torture November 22, 2016

jesus 

The most well-known Jew, after Woody Allen.

Woody Allen is a mitzvah to humankind! Jesus? What chutzpah!

jesus by copyjew June 29, 2006

jesus 

A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so that he can remove an evil force in your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Easter: Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

jesus by Squee4Starscream March 9, 2008

Jesus 

My mexican gardener, he does a great job

Me: Jesus, you did a great job on the tulips yesterday!

Jesus: Gracias!

Jesus by Anastacia Beverhausen October 10, 2005

Jesus 

A white American who was born in the Jewish middle east about two thousand years ago when dinosaurs were still walking around the earth because God made the earth in seven days. He was devoutly Republican, and a great friend of Ronald Reagon and George Bush Senior. He enjoyed golfing, the Stock Market, and the occasional damning of a democrat.
He resembled Chuck Norris in such a way that many asked for "his autograph," to be terribly disappointed when he signed it, "Christ."

Q: What would Jesus do?
A: Invade, all the way George. He's practically screaming it.

Jesus by JBEandfriends January 23, 2008

jesus 

Jesus is the way to God. He died for all of us and loves us very much.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."-John 14:16

jesus by Emery Day April 11, 2007

Jesus 

a kid in my english class.

Jesus is mexican but speaks english gooder than me and i was born in america.

Jesus by m.m.b.b April 11, 2005