soft jacking

To masturbate a guy while his penis is soft until he ejaculates. (This can take a very long time and often means that he doesn't like you very much.)

Kim just kept tugging at my dick. She just kept soft jacking me until I came. That chick sure is ugly but she can soft jack like a pro!

by Sam Giberson September 22, 2007

soft rant

A soft rant is similar to a rant in that it's a long-winded, one-sided outpouring of difficulties the person is facing. However, while a rant is usually done in anger or frustration, a soft rant is done in a more depressed/disappointed/hopeless manner.

Example: I've been having a lot going on in my life, and I thought maybe a soft rant might help me get some of it off my chest.
Example: Sigh. Okay, readers, I'm going to soft rant about some of the things that have happened recently.

Hard rant about taxes:
The f*cking government thinks they own us! They shove as much onto us as they possibly can and think we'll just accept it and move on with our f*cking pathetic excuses for lives. Well, no - not this time! I've had it up to here with their f*cking lies and excuses, and this time, they're gonna hear about it! I work my f*cking ass off all day in a miserable, dead end job, trying to feed my wife and kids, and then the f*cking government steps in and steals it all!

Soft rant about taxes:
Well, I understand the government needs to protect us and all, and give us our schools and libraries and roads, but do they really have to be taking so much? I just don't know what to do anymore. I have a minimum wage job with no chance of promotion, yet I'm trying to feed my family and still have enough left over to move out of my small apartment. Just when it looked like it couldn't get any worse, my car breaks down. I'd have money to fix it if the taxes weren't so high, and I've cut our budget down to the bare necessities. I have nothing left to give. I just don't know what to do.

by AProg December 12, 2010

Soft & wet

Soft & wet is a stand in the popular manga and anime JoJo's bizarre adventure, Soft & wet is the stand of the main character in JoJo's bizarre adventure part 8 used by Josuke higashikata who has the nickname "Gappy" based on the gap between his teeth. Soft & wet has the main ability of plunder which Soft & wet will throw a bubble at someone or something stealing a part of them Example "Soft & wet just stole the friction off the ground"

Fucking idiot: Soft & wet is a horrible stand

Chad: You are a fucking fool

by God damn nerd December 15, 2020

snuggle soft

Comfortably soft (e.g., pillows and blankets fresh from the dryer). See snuggly.

The couch was so snuggle soft that I fell asleep in ten minutes.

by Ingeborg S. Nordén May 31, 2006

crushin' softies

Is a term of art used to describe a methodology employed by the US Military in an effort to siphon out homosexuals from service in response to the apparent lack of success of federal statute 10 U.S.C. § 654, or more commonly referred to as the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. If a male serving in any military branch is suspected of engaging in homosexual activity, they will be called before there superior officer and asked to crush softies with one of there peers. To "crush" the suspected gay will pull out his penis and press it against the penis of his crushing partner. The idea is that the male's penis will remain flaccid and non-erect when pressed against the other male's wiener if he straight, thus proving his true sexuality. However if his penis becomes erect (a boner), the male has failed the test, and undoubtedly likes to sex other males in the fanny, thus precluding him from further military service. (Other words/phrases synonymous with the test include: "the crush game", "bumpin' soft-dick", "hamin' sandies" and "Captain Crunchin"). A similar test has been used to target homosexual females, known as "crushin' tits", however results are generally understood as unreliable due to varying room temperatures and the fact that no one cares if hoes wanna scissor each other.

Soldier: "Lieutenant Nilbog I've got some serious news. Private Johnson just got walked in on making a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread and listening to Coldplay!"

Lieutenant: "Holy fuck. Go get Johnson immediately and bring him in here. You two are gonna be crushin' softies till we get to the bottom of this."

by General Goblincock April 14, 2010

Softboy

Similar to a fuckboy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a "sensitive" side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not. Then, like the fuckboy, he can't/won't commit. Differs from the fuckboy because he goes for the heart and emotions rather than just the body.

The Softboy played me like the Fuckboy did, but at least the fuckboy was honest.

by asa086 April 15, 2016

Soft-on

The opposite of a hard-on; when a penis is not erect and its size is unpredictable.

I had a boner, but then I thought of Susan Boyles naked, and it became a soft-on again.

by Tikibarberfan March 10, 2010