Wank Stain Of A Bastard

When calling someone either a wank stain or the offspring of a bastard child isn't formal enough.

Bob: "Fuck you Steve!"
Steve: "How about you intercourse yourself you wank stain of a bastard."
Bob:

by Cephalon Alcatraz June 15, 2020

Wank Jam

The inevitable product of a 5 knuckle shuffle.

Delicious jam or preservative made with the bi-product of spanking the monkey

"Stroked the salami last night and got wank jam everywhere"

"Do we have anything to put on toast?"
"Just a bit of wank jam left in the cupboard."

"Spilled so much wank jam In my gfs mouth she went full angry on me!"

by Kik455 April 8, 2022

tab wank

Vigorously poking one's finger in, out and around the ear hole to loosen up wax or displace trapped water.

Look at that bloke over there, he's having a right good tab wank.

by Richb1 September 29, 2023

Toxic Wank

A toxic wank is where you cum on someone whilst breaking up with them, specifically on the face.

"Omg Jeremy, you came so much!"
"Sorry Jessica that was a toxic wank, we're over"

by Oxford Vaginary October 8, 2021

Plank Wank

Where you stay as still as a statue but you have a wank

You wouldn’t believe what I just did. I had a plank wank

by Pete-the-pedo July 24, 2025

Peterborough wank

A Peterborough wank is when a male jerks off with a condom on which is usually followed with a gap sound

I heard Shay doing a Peterborough wank last night

by Oopie goopie III July 6, 2025

Plugged Wank

The act of masturbating with an item, usually a butt plug or finger, in one's anus.

I had a brilliant plugged wank last night, the finger made it extra special.

by BritishStereotype November 22, 2014