crysturbate

When you're sad and you masturbate

From overheard in New York,

Crysturbate! Girl: It's like, when you're sad and you masturbate!

by Buck June 18, 2006

Crysturbate

To cry while masturbating and using the tears as lubricant.

Sam: So how was the party last night?
Danny: It was okay, I went home early because there weren't enough bitches.
Sam: Did you crysturbate when you got home?
Danny: Yeah, it was a JOPO.

by Cockdriller August 7, 2010

healing crystal bitch

A healing crystal bitch is that annoying female that we all know who wants to be a hippie and takes it to a different level of extreme. Typically they will claim to be from some other dimension, consider themselves "spiritual", talk about their "3rd eye", throw around tarot cards without warning, and you guessed it, carry around healing crystals. They consider consuming marijuana and psychedelics some kind of spiritual journey and believe that their hallucinations are sacred. A healing crystal bitch will also turn into Jeffery Dahmer if her cat dislikes you.

Friend 1: Dude look at this girl on my tinder stack. Should I swipe right?

Friend 2: Hell no dude! Look at her profile, she seems like one of those healing crystal bitches.

Friend 1: Damn you right homie.

by Michael|leahciM October 6, 2021

Crystal Spring Turtle

Giving somebody a crystal spring turtle is a sexual act. It involves one parter "prairie dogging" a piece of feces in and out of their rectum, while the other either urinates or ejaculates on the half protruding feces. The partner then pulls the feces back in, like a turtle retreating into its shell.

Guy #1: Hey bro i heard you gave Sally a crystal spring turtle last night

Guy#2: Hell yea man! I crystal spring'd all over that turtle!! Jealous??

Guy#1: Uuuhh...not really

by Badassboyscout May 13, 2009

Crystal River Credit Card

Anything used to break into a home, vehicle, or business. ussualy a pair of bolt cutters, a slim jim, brick, or screwdriver.

The bike I wanted was chained to a post, good thing I brought my Crystal River Credit Card because now the bike is mine.

by blacksheeep September 2, 2010

Crystal Star

The Crystal Star is a sex move involving two ice cubes (crystals) and a females (or a potentially thick male) ass. The trick is to put one ice cube in the asshole, and another on top of the ass itself and to fire your load on the top ice cube and let it drip down to the other. The second, newly cum soaked ice cube is then pounded further into the asshole, to melt.

Person 1: I feel like getting freaky tonight babe, do you want to do the "Crystal Star"?
Person 2: Abso-fucking-lutely

by Gamberrowen May 31, 2018

flava crystals

The white crust of dried spit that gathers in the corners of ones mouth, a la Flava Flav.

Did you watch flavor of love last week? He had the flava crystals kickin!

by Chris Jke March 24, 2008