UPDATE: OCTOBER 2008
The last this writer saw of the school, pandemonium reigned supreme over any attempts at control that may or may not have been attempted by the faculty and staff.
Two lockdowns in two years in response to
terrorist threats of squirrel hunting have provoked a new, pseudo-uniform dress code in an attempt to get the kids to settle down and focus on learning. The kids, being kids, found this to be a travesty on par with slavery and the
Holocaust, and retaliated with sullen replies of "this sucks" and "I don'
t wanna wear no
stupid-a** uniforms." The administration responded by cracking down on the dress code. They let everyone know that "slate" is not an acceptable color for pants, ONLY BLACK!!! Also, they were kind enough to simplify people's lives by making sure they only had to wear shoes with
one color! Anyone who dares to wear shoes with different color shoelaces, or a different color sole than the rest of the shoe
will be punished like the commies they are!!!
Don't worry, the culprits of these acts were properly sentenced - I
mean, reprimanded.
Additionally, the existence of a padded room in one of the middle schools was recently revealed.
One can only imagine what must be going on in there to warrant a padded room for 9 year olds.
This reporter regrets to inform you they are no longer able to be on the front lines, having matriculated, but contacts on the inside are getting news out. Don't worry, Stroudsburgians! There's
hope.
There's
always hope.
