(autopsy)
Detective 1: They say that his fat wife smothered him during sex.
Detective 2: But his wife did say he asked for the bottom.
Detective 1: Oh, looks like we have a suicide here.
Detective 1: They say that his fat wife smothered him during sex.
Detective 2: But his wife did say he asked for the bottom.
Detective 1: Oh, looks like we have a suicide here.
by Bob Hokok September 16, 2011
a very advisiable way to handle your problems, because no one loves you. according to maddox of www.maddox.xmission.com here are some reasons to commit suicide. in a handy checklist style of ten. if any apply to you........
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
1. Do you live at home but your parents are always making you clean your room and do your homework? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they make you clean your room? What are they going to do next, ground you? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.
2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.
3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.
4. Spill a drink at a party? Drop a plate of food in a restaurant? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.
5. Flunked out of college? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of college + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.
6. Traffic jam? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.
7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, Home Depot might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.
8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brains.
9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?
10. College application get rejected? Take the hint.
Hope you found this guide helpful, mention it in your suicide note. On second thought, why bother? Nobody will read it.
by Johnny Richter February 21, 2005
by Red and Brown Grass Rat November 26, 2004
Suicidals are just angels ready to go home. Some Suicidals will actually go through with it. They play with knives, hang themselves up high, try to fly, consume too many pills, and that's sad. I feel numb, I don't feel anymore. Sepf-harm is all I know, its all I can feel. I've played with knives, consumed too many pills, I've even tried to hang myself up high... But the hospital closed up my cuts, and helped my survive the pills, my cousin found me before the rope killed my body. I want to die. But here's the thing... How can you kill yourself, if your already dead??? Cause I'm dead on the inside, but loving on the outside...
Suicidal thoughts: no one likes you, you are an ugly, stupid, fat, suicidal, a freak, and weird kid. Just die already.
Bully: fatty. Your ugly, your still alive?!?! Suicidal freak. No one cares about you.
Me: Help... Me... No one cares. Maybe I should just die... Like my brother did... With the knife... He always seemed happy... But he never actually was...
Suicidal thoughts: good thinking kid......
Bully: don't cry you crybaby
Suicidal thoughts: don't listen to him, don't cry, laugh like your insane, it'll scare him... And then u can kill yourself when you get home.
Bully: fatty. Your ugly, your still alive?!?! Suicidal freak. No one cares about you.
Me: Help... Me... No one cares. Maybe I should just die... Like my brother did... With the knife... He always seemed happy... But he never actually was...
Suicidal thoughts: good thinking kid......
Bully: don't cry you crybaby
Suicidal thoughts: don't listen to him, don't cry, laugh like your insane, it'll scare him... And then u can kill yourself when you get home.
by My gun is loaded, SUICIDE!!!!! December 21, 2016
No, no, no. PLEASE DON'T COMMIT SUICIDE. If you are planning to commit suicide because you have done something very bad, then suicide is also very bad! Give yourself the chance to try to change the world. Use this life to do something valuable! Everybody dies, but please don't murder anybody including yourself. You can become a legend!
by URB4N D1C710N4RY April 20, 2021
1) The act of killing one's own self.
2) Reffering to Suicide Doors on a car: doors that open opposite to regular doors.
3) In drinking: a suicide is a drink made by mixing other drinks into one super-drink. Usually alcoholic, but not always.
2) Reffering to Suicide Doors on a car: doors that open opposite to regular doors.
3) In drinking: a suicide is a drink made by mixing other drinks into one super-drink. Usually alcoholic, but not always.
1) Mary, after deciding that she has had enough of the world, commited suicide.
2) Did you see that car? It had suicide doors!
3) I invited a few friends over and we drank suicides all night long.
2) Did you see that car? It had suicide doors!
3) I invited a few friends over and we drank suicides all night long.
by Ichy July 01, 2006