Board Stretcher

This is the device that you tell the rookie new-hire carpenter to go get for you out of the foreman's truck so you can get the board he just cut 2 inches too short to fit right in the new kitchen cabinet. It only exists in the minds of awnry carpenters who like to play jokes on the FNG.

Me: "Damn Hector you cut the board too short. Go get the board stretcher out of the foreman's truck, rookie."

Hector: "What's it look like?"

Me: "You'll know it when you see it. If it ain't there ask the foreman where he has it."

by auriuman April 4, 2011

scratcher jizz

Those little pieces that come off of lottery scratchers and get everywhere.

"Don't scratch those in my car, you'll get scratcher jizz everywhere!"

by slurpeegirl June 30, 2014

cunt stretcher

A cock that's wide enough to stretch a cunt out.

His cunt stretcher really made that bitch scream, but you know she loved it!

by Cocktail Sauce #1 February 20, 2009

Malort spritzer

When in Chicago, a homeless man jumps out of a dumpster and ejaculates on you.

Did you hear what happened to Kyle on his way to Wrigley Field? Dude took a Malort Spritzer to the face.

by TheMonkey69 August 24, 2022

Pipe stretcher

An imaginary tool used to haze beginning apprentices on construction sites, by telling them to retrieve this tool from some other part of the site. Each time the apprentice arrives at a new location, the workers, who know there is no such thing as a pipe stretcher, play along with the joke by saying something like "oh, you just missed it--they're using it up on the third floor, so you'll have to ask them." The apprentice is sent all around the job site for the entire work day, or until the apprentice figures out it is a joke.

I need you to go down to the south end and get that pipe stretcher back from the iron workers.

by Ewizobeth May 16, 2014

The brown goat stretcher

The act of covering the male genitalia in poop. Then dragging the head of the penis across his partners beard. Note: While performing this act the scrotum should also be covered in waste and stapled to the floor. This is where the 'stretcher' in the name comes from.

We did "The brown goat stretcher" His balls hang out of his pants now

by DrPoopLove April 19, 2010

cook county spritzer

When someone puts human feces in their mouth, chews it to mix it with their saliva and spits it out at a Police Officer while handcuffed or restrained.

(Also see Dart Daiquiri)

That scumbag just gave the Officer a Cook County spritzer !

by Chief Shitting Bull May 2, 2016