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SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi 

Some neurosurgeon posted a definition for masturbate with a bunch of synonyms and decided it would be a good idea to make them all one big link, which is how you got here to this page. Here's to that genius.
I hope that person catches AIDS from masturbating.



SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels, test-firing the old meat missle, wrapping the hand around the penis and moving it in a thrusting movement.
SYNONYMS: chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, playing with yourself, tootin' your horn, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, commiting spermi mug front
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Spanking the other monkey 

To stimulate another sexually by a spanking motion on erogenous, sexual zones.
I got them hot by spanking the other monkey!

spanking the angry monkey 

another term used to say matursbate.
"I just got done spanking the angry monkey."

spanking the lady monkey 

A woman, of any age that is pleasuring herself via masturbation. She can be using a sex toy or her fingers in this act.
Carol was so busy spanking the lady monkey she didn’t notice she’d spilled her margarita all over the bed.

tele-spankin' the monkey 

Term for when IT or sales staff "work from home" three days per week.
You can't get any fuckin' thing done around here because those support pukes are tele-spankin' the monkey.

spankin the monkey 

Beating yo meat like its dead
Yeah eric was spankin the monkey last night