Toms River 

Where wannabe guidos tend to lurk. They also go to teen nightclubs and jerk each other off to house music. Girls that go to teen nightclubs tend to carry around STD's and like to get silly on the dance floor, which is why girls from this scary town are called "sluts". Also, girls from Toms River like to take pictures with duck lips and post them on Facebook, as guys like to take pictures with there shirt off and a hat on, which makes them "fresh". No other town near Toms River likes them, so it's always a big fight which ends up with Toms River getting shat on, usually by Bricktown.

Foreigner: Yo, lets get some bitches from Toms River!

Bricktown kid: I don't want an STD man, let's just drink some Busch.

Toms River by Bricktown January 30, 2012

Toms River 

A town in New Jersey. Everybody knows you. We have 11 elementay schools 3intermeadit schools and 3 high school. Kids from HS North get made all the time. We are known for are little league baseball teams. The mall sucks ass, Cool beans is the only cool place to hang out after the movies. The beach gets over run by fricken new yorker every summer leaving no plcae for the locals. But yet house still go for 300,000+.

I rep the TR and i'm damn proud of it.

Toms River by Guinea Pig March 22, 2005

Toms River 

Toms River is a place that seems to have nothing of any value to it other than lots of people and one Little League World Series title. Not to say that isn't a big deal but some of those kids could legitamately have their own kids now. When you tell someone that you live in TR they will ask or asume you play baseball or rattle off ten names of people in the 90,000 person town to see if you know them and if you dont they look at you like you must have lived under a rock. Other than that great sports achievement you would be hard pressed to find any pool of talent in any field from sports to everyday life. Screw teh otehr schools, everythign in TR boils down to the 3-4 high schools. Mon Don being the fourth and forgotten one. HS North, where to start. Might as well be a college campus. They get everything and if they dont have it they have enogh money to buy it and will. The kids there tend to be rich yes snobby superficial and generally better looking than everyone else. Not too bad if you happen to be them. HS East would be the younger sibling in the battle of the 3 high schools. They have everything North does but just less of it. One thing they do have more of is Italians. HS South is the poor retarded step child. They have pride and tradtion. Really South is just a school for burnouts. Any one can make a name for themselves there. Beachwood adds to South's declined wealth as does South Toms River, but STR is the only reason if any taht South does good at sports. No one really judges becasue they are either too dumb or too fucked up to take time to do it. Mon Don is just the private Catholic school that wear uniforms and learn about God or whatever but act like devils. They drink in the parking lot and ahh fuck it who cares no one counts them anyway. Sorry.
What do people do for fun. Well nothing, sadly. Anyone that claims to have a raging social life and also admits to being from toms river is a liar. Everyone has small groups of friends that usually hang out together either at someones house or partying at someone's house. Route 37 and Hooper are the two roads people will drive on just to feel alive and to see otehr people. I'm surprised TR isnt fatter because all people do is go to restaurants mainly applebees because they have half price appetizers but I think it's just to be seen out. You know let people know you are still alive. Sure there is Seaside, but what real entertainment is there on the boardwalk other than watching the pure fact that God has a sense of humor or that he has created some alternate universe with a different species on it that is only about an hour drive away. The boardwalk is just another form of applebees where you can be seen at. The beach is the same way except the beach is actually fun when the local kids arent working all day. Considering that the locals live here and dont vaction here I find that it is harder for locals to get to the beach than it is for actual vactioners. Its just a place for locals to look at each otehr with minimal clothing and stare at vactioners who barely wear anything. Many phone calls go as followed. Hey whats up? Wanna do something? Yeah. What do you want to do? I don't know what is there to do? I don't know wanna jsut come over. And 2 hours later your either at applebees or the boardwalk or wondering why the fuck you sat around the house like there was something better to do.
In TR you gotta make your fun and you gotta make yourself or you'll just rot.
One thing you'll notice about people from toms river is that many arent aware taht there si another world outside of TR. Big deal you were captain of the football team or Prom queen. Guess waht other people in other towns around the globe where too.
If your old I would say retire here because it is just a huge Senior Citizen Living Facility. But if your old you probably dont have a computer and even if you did you wouldnt be on this site....TR 4 Life, I cant help it.

Toms River is the place where dreams come to be crushed and lives come to be wasted from the sheer intangible concept of boredom. But do come enjoy our beaches.

Toms River by HIP-HOP Anonymous June 1, 2006

Toms River 

In toms River, well, lets face it...people are pretty much bored to tears. We can get to Great Adventure in abouot a half hour, and the beach/ Seaside in about 10 minutes, but these things pretty much close down during the winter. So, we're left with Applebees, Cool Beans, and Wawa to occupy our time. There are 12 elementary school, 3 intermediate schools, and 3 high schools, but the funding we receive for our education is really that of a 3-school district. HS North is where all of the rich kids go, so they get the Ritacco/ Poland Springs Center (originally named after our not-yet-deceased school board supervisor), which attracts lots of famous celebrities...like Bill Cosby. HS East and Souths' ceilings, on the other hand, are practically falling in. The nicknames of these three high schools are Heroin High (North), Suicide Central (South), and Pregnancy Point (East). Surprisingly enough, this is a failing school system. To all of the towns 90,000 residents, I want to let you know, you are wasting your childrens' opportunities. Congratulations. Toms River is also host to a few famous things. Our tap water causes cancer, our little league team won the World Series back in God knows when, and people tend to get murdered semi-frequently. A jewel amongst American suburbs, Toms River will shine on.

See your travel agent about vacationing in Toms River, NJ.

Toms River by sarcastichumor April 13, 2006

toms river 

Toms River is a suburban town in Dover township thats quite large. Mostly filled with old people, mexicans, and blacks. Home of three high school: North, South, and East. NO one cares about East. Their located on the far side of town, so people forget theres even a school in their. North is full of rich, snobby people, but the most athletic of the three schools. South is the only school In the US where you wont get caught smoking a cigarette in the gymnasium and that has a cop downtown making sure you don't Jwalk.
In smaller terms, Toms River sucks. Its a pain in the ass to get from 37 east to going north on Hooper if you want to spend your friday night at the mall like everyone else does. Nothing good is in the mall, full of shoe stores and a food court that only serves international food and a dirty bathroom.
Everyone knows everyone here, even if you havent met them. We've all heard the same rumors, drama, and useless piece of information about eachother. But quite frankly, no one cares unless your looking for trouble.
There's about 1,000 neighborhoods in Toms River, not including STR, Beachwood, or Pinebeach. Home of more elementry schools then you can shit a stick at, deciding where you want your child to get a grammar school education is no easy task.
STR has more black people then Harlem. Don't walk the streets of Center Homes after 7 pm alone unless you have a shotgun, 911 on speed dial, and a black belt in karate. The only decent area of STR is the small, one-street neightbor hood across 530 off of Double Trouble Road.
Beachwood is just as bad as STR, except less blacks and more old people. If you want to look like you have money, live in one of those big, fancy houses down by the new intermediate school.
Pine Beach is less known then the other 2 areas. Half of its residents go to Central High school... maybe thats why. If you want to get killed in Pine beach, all you have to do is wear all black and lay in the middle of Motor Road at midnight on a Friday night.

What Friendleys in toms river do you want to go to?

toms river by asshole12345 August 16, 2006

toms river 

A place where some of the most stuck up egotistical people live. not worth visiting uless you want cancer if so drink the water. cool beans is fun. HSN kicks ass.. south and east suck dick... mall belongs to north, movies too, and iceskating. NORTH ALL THE WAY. TRN: ROCK SOLID

courtney is amazing because she lives in toms river, and goes to HSN.

toms river by COURTNEYxCUPCAKES March 23, 2008

toms river 

The town in New Jersey where Courtney Brown lives.

Im going to Toms River today to see Courtney Brown because shes hott and I love her and want her to have my babies.

toms river by I<3CB June 13, 2004