Shower Seltzer

The seltzer you take into the shower when you're in a hurry to go out and still need to get cleaned up, or want to relax from a long day.

Guy 1: Hey man, get going! We've got to leave in 20 minutes and you haven't even hit the shower yet!
Guy 2: I'm going, I'm going.. I haven't even started pre-gaming yet, what am I going to do?
Guy 1: No worries, I've got your solution. Take a shower seltzer.

Awesome Girlfriend: Hi honey, how was work?
Tired Boyfriend: It was stressful, my boss yelled at me and he wants me back in the office this weekend.
Awesome Girlfriend: Wow, what a day. Well don't worry, I'll start the shower and grab you a shower seltzer.

by Marit50cal July 1, 2020

Stoltzed

A verb used to describe the past action of having been seduced by the professional rower and olympian Matthew Stoltz. The word is aptly applied to and female (or male) who has fallen prey to his charm, good looks, and unbridled wit, only to later find out they were nothing more than a transient tool to satisfy his narcissistic and insatiable sexual appetite.

Girl: "Yea, I know Matt really well. We dated for a week a few months ago."
Boy: "haha! You THINK you dated him.. You just got Stoltzed!"

by Matthew Loftus January 25, 2008

Texas Seltzer

(n.) The act of putting your mouth over an anus that wants to fart.

I got one brewing. You thirsty? Can I offer you a Texas Seltzer?

by Yoggie2010 December 27, 2010

Seltzwhore

A person who is addicted to, is a connoisseur of, or deeply appreciates seltzer water.

I've really become a huge Seltzwhore since I quit drinking soda.

These millennials and their goddammned La Croix are fucking Seltzwhores.

by g0d5m15t4k3 July 22, 2019

Steltering

In the style of CNN anchor Brian Stelter, to pathetically avoid accountability and onus to do one's job with integrity, in which one falsely assumes a moral high ground.

When approached for a comment on the CNN expose, Brian responded with "Y'know I'm sorry for you...I'm sorry for you..." dismissing journalists in Steltering manner.

by Uncle Gazpacho April 16, 2021

jeff steitzer

the voice behind halo and the guy with the voice you wish you had during puberty

jeff steitzer

by OPnornfang August 24, 2016

Seltzerberg

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, better known as the directors who have created such cinematic abominations as Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie, and Vampires Suck.

The latest Seltzerberg production was widely panned by critics yet made $15 million in its first week.

by He of One Letter August 6, 2010