The immortal zombie carpenter who, if you ask him nicely through his telepathic powers, will grant your wishes. He is one third of an almighty being who was sent to earth to be killed mercilessly so that said almighty being could forgive us for something he made us do, something which, being almighty, shouldn't have been quite so troublesome in the first place. In addition to asking politely, some believe it is necessary to indulge in cannibalism, eating Jesus' flesh, to be forgiven and go to heaven. Physically, Jesus may have looked similar to Jim Morrison, although many would contend he was in fact black.
Friend: I'm going to go eat some of Jesus and ask him and his father not to send me to eternal damnation for something my great great great etc. grandparents did.
Me: Have fun at Mass!
Me: Have fun at Mass!
by LordofAllPrepositionalPhrases November 26, 2008
Man who was nailed to a plank for saying how nice it would be if everyone was nice to each other. Had his message misinterpreted by millions who now think it is their job to persecute certain groups of people(christians).
by Jonjo January 16, 2005
One of the latest in a long line of deities based on the movements of the sun during the winter solstice.
by thetruthone September 02, 2008
by Samisita January 17, 2009
The light of the world, the one who came and died on the cross to forgive us of all of our sins. There is a religion based on that, called Christianity.
by C.C. December 18, 2004
What you say when you see something awesome or unbelievable, or when something really bad or stupid happens to you. Also the name of your landscaper or gardener if you pronounce the "J" as an "H."
"Jesus that girl's tits are huge!"
"Jesus, that dumb bitch just about wrecked!"
"Jesus, please trim the hedges when you are done edging the flower bed."
"Jesus, that dumb bitch just about wrecked!"
"Jesus, please trim the hedges when you are done edging the flower bed."
by fhkq October 07, 2018
by scroteymcboogerballs May 30, 2011