fig newton

as defined by Stewie Griffin "It's like an orgy in my mouth"

I ate a fig newton and it was like an orgy in my mouth.

by Ryan Comedic INC October 15, 2006

fig newton

the most addicting cookie ever on the planet earth

I just ate a whole bag of fig newtons

by misaki December 28, 2005

Fig Newton

A mediocre guy either in looks, personality, or both. And although he is average in every way, he thinks he is basically Ryan Reynolds.
While they may stay fig newtons forever it is possible for them to transform into something…like an Oreo…..or even a chocolate chip cookie.
While they are rare, fig newtons can also be female.

Examples: Jeff and Lester from the TV show Chuck
Dwight from the office.

Frollo from Hunchback of Norte Dame
Farquad from Shrek
Prince Charming from Shrek 2
Hans from Frozen
J’son (Starlord’s ‘Dad’) from Guardians of the Galaxy 2
Mr. Collins from Pride and Prejudice (honorable mention Mr. Wickham)

Yeah, we talked a bit. But, he was a bit of a fig Newton so I’m not interested.

Oh, nah! He a fig newton.

He got that fig newton haircut.

He talks like a fig newton.

He was the figgiest of newtons.

by notafignewton March 26, 2022

I want a fig newton

this means that you are looking to hook up.. I want to fuck you

If mouthed silently this looks like I want to fuck you so mouth the word I want a fig newton at someone you want to hook up with

by Susan T August 10, 2006

Fig Newton

Someone who has hippie tendencies and beliefs. Often referred to as, granola, tree hugger, earth warrior, or all natural

That stanky hoe is so fig newton, she needs a bath.

by lilkitty_0201 February 7, 2020

fig newton

a word often used to refer to black and mild cigars because they taste somewhat of the fig newton cookie

i wish this fig newton would never end

by extenze October 1, 2010

The Fig Newton

Dancing The Fig Newton or doing the Fig Newton refers to the "dance" one does when going through drug withdrawal, namely heroin, or oher opiates. The "dance" is usually done in a bed, with the covers tightly pulled over ones head, and usually includes leg kicking movements, rolling around in bed, and the constant sitting up and lying down again that comes with the uncomfortability of heroin withdrawal. The Fig Newton is traditionally danced in a pool of one's own sweat, and is usually accompanied by the traditional soundtrack of constant moaning, and occasional soft cries and/or whimpers.

I know I haven't seen you guys in a while, but I've been trying to quit this shit, and I spent the last 4 days doing the fig newton in my fucking room.

by Brian Press December 28, 2007