A widespread and mind-numbing writing appliance used by uncreative teachers and schools to spread dissatisfaction with writing among their students. Though "creative" five-paragraph essays have been written, the form is generally mandated by dull minds to make writing and thinking dull.
All five-paragraph essays begin with an introduction ("tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em!") followed by three body paragraphs ("tell 'em!") and a frighteningly repetetive conclusion ("tell 'em what you told 'em!").
All five-paragraph essays begin with an introduction ("tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em!") followed by three body paragraphs ("tell 'em!") and a frighteningly repetetive conclusion ("tell 'em what you told 'em!").
My teacher is making me write a five-paragraph essay on why I shouldn't think for myself and write creatively in school, but it's like way too boring.
by spenceronehalf December 15, 2005
Get the five-paragraph essay mug.An essay due at midnight, making for a stressful evening that turns to joy (or embarrassment) once the paper is sent off.
Jeff: "Hey, do you want to watch Star Wars tonight?"
Bryan: "No way! I'm writing a midnight essay, and it's already 7 p.m."
Bryan: "No way! I'm writing a midnight essay, and it's already 7 p.m."
by Wanderfalke May 3, 2010
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A ploy conceived by English teachers to show their jaded outlook towards students who are either too stupid to do it anyway, or are smart, but prefer pin-point to the point answering rather than spending five paragraphs trying to convince "X" to do "Y". They usually give people a week or so to do the essay, but it is known fact that nobody does the stupid things until the night before it's due.
Tom - "We're going to see a movie, wanna come along?"
Ray - "No, I've still got this clusterfuck of an essay to write."
William -"You mean the one where you have to write five pages about what your favorite aspect of Beowulf was and why?"
Ray - "Yep. See you guys monday."
Ray - "No, I've still got this clusterfuck of an essay to write."
William -"You mean the one where you have to write five pages about what your favorite aspect of Beowulf was and why?"
Ray - "Yep. See you guys monday."
by Insert Alias Here October 12, 2009
Get the Essay mug.I have to do this tomorrow. I'm totally fucked now. Thanks a lot, Mrs. smoking pot Dunn-Peters for not teaching me about essays.
by suicidalqueen February 20, 2011
Get the essay mug.by L. Christine April 7, 2009
Get the Extended Essay mug.An essay where highschoolers have to boast about how awesome they are in order to get into the colleges they want. The harder they boast the more likely they'll get accepted.
Average college essay: I think that I'm capable of of becoming a college student because I'm a hard worker. I played JV tennis and put in a lot of effort while playing. I have a 3.2 gpa and worked hard to pass all of my classes in order to graduate. I have the capability of working hard no matter what.
Harvard college essay: I invented a cure for Cancer, Aids, and Gonorrhea. I helped rebuild an entire village in Africa in under 2 weeks. I'm the president in 12 different clubs and have been for over 2 years. I scored a 36 on the ACT and got 5's on all of the 10 AP classes I took. I'm also running a small solar panel business and am helping to save the environment. I've won the National robotics tournament 3 times and am the face of robotics. I'm the best at everything. I'M A GOD!!!
Harvard college essay: I invented a cure for Cancer, Aids, and Gonorrhea. I helped rebuild an entire village in Africa in under 2 weeks. I'm the president in 12 different clubs and have been for over 2 years. I scored a 36 on the ACT and got 5's on all of the 10 AP classes I took. I'm also running a small solar panel business and am helping to save the environment. I've won the National robotics tournament 3 times and am the face of robotics. I'm the best at everything. I'M A GOD!!!
by Dubiks October 25, 2018
Get the college essay mug.assigned by teachers as a form of torture viewed as acceptable by society. Complaining to the teacher about the work it entails it wrong, but said teacher is allowed to bitch and moan about grading it as long as he/she pleases.
Yesterday Mrs. Bitchstein assigned us a 5 page essay to do overnight. Today she complained about grading it over the weekend. What a hypocrite.
by PissedHonorsStudent December 30, 2009
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