A latex, polyurethane, or natural sheepskin oblong barrier placed over the penis for eliminating most chance of pregnancy for human males who can:
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
'Jeanette is pregnant now.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
by Kyle Lees April 10, 2006
A piece of latex that is put on man's penis to prevent a child and women who will steal your money for 18 years.
*people on mary*
woman: "he is yo child1 I am 5000% sure!
man: "he ain't mine, I was wearing a condom!"
woman: "you owe me some child support you deadbeat!"
mary: "in the case of the little baby, sir, you are not the father."
woman: *runs of stage crying*
woman: "he is yo child1 I am 5000% sure!
man: "he ain't mine, I was wearing a condom!"
woman: "you owe me some child support you deadbeat!"
mary: "in the case of the little baby, sir, you are not the father."
woman: *runs of stage crying*
by urbandictionarydefz March 29, 2011
optimal method of performing sexual act, implies no use of protection, ideally without birth control medecine
by Mexicanny August 12, 2006
Person 1: Do you have a firm belief in condomism?
Person 2: Yes I do believe in condomism, i think that is the efficient way to commit adultery.
Person 2: Yes I do believe in condomism, i think that is the efficient way to commit adultery.
by Efan.35 March 28, 2018
A creation that was first made out of animal bladders to rubber latex.
It was made for bitches who only wants pleasure and commit adultery instead of bringing a beautiful creature into this world
It was made for bitches who only wants pleasure and commit adultery instead of bringing a beautiful creature into this world
A: Hey dude,,, My wife says she wants to have sex
B: Dude that's great. that means you're not gonna die a virgin and have a child!
A: Yeah but.. She said she wants a condom
B: Well,, You wont have to take care of a child though, right?
A: I always wanted a child for fucks sake, I'm not those retarded men in porn videos
B: but they don't use condo-
A: BUT SHE WANTS A CONDOM, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
B: Dude that's great. that means you're not gonna die a virgin and have a child!
A: Yeah but.. She said she wants a condom
B: Well,, You wont have to take care of a child though, right?
A: I always wanted a child for fucks sake, I'm not those retarded men in porn videos
B: but they don't use condo-
A: BUT SHE WANTS A CONDOM, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
by YourGranmaIsPolysexual January 11, 2022
by Chuck Vanderchuck May 05, 2016
A protective barrier that can prevent pregnant and std's. puts you in 18 years of pain if it breaks.
by BETTS SEAL! December 27, 2018