Technological Tourettes

A syndrome in which one gets so incredibly infuriated by technology the emotion boils up in one monosyllabic outburst; usually the word FUCK! Most commonly suffered by I.T. personnel but also know to affect smartphone users and elderly people with more than one remote control.

Bob's lost spreadsheet induced technological tourettes and got him a three day suspension and a lot of dirty looks from his bible-thumping co-workers.

by House, I.T. March 15, 2010

Technologically neutered

To strip technology of all meaningful features, thereby violating its original intent to solve problems in an automated way. This is typically done by an enterprise through a series of decisions made by folks with no understanding of technology, e.g. legal or risk. Fears that drive to these decisions are typically focused on trying to prevent behaviors through technology limitations, without isolating that the issue is the behavior. The end result will likely be a set of technology that looks similar to the current technology set, just with a different look and feel on top of a fundamentally rearchitected platform typically costing millions of dollars.

The approach would be equivalent to not allowing knives in the cafeteria for fear of stabbings vs not hiring people who won't stab each other. Only technologically neutering costs much more.

They technologically neutered the SharePoint environment by removing everything but the list and document library. It is no longer usable for its core collaboration functions.

We have technologically neutered our mobile email by not allowing attachments.

They technologically neutered their CRM by turning off the workflow features.

by ColdheartedMatt May 8, 2012

Technological Osmosis

The term Technological Osmosis is a jargon term used in technically focused organizations that rely heavily on email communication. The term refers to the ability to understand a technical requirement even though the requirement has not been communicated. The term evolved to add levity the common communication Faux Pas of neglecting to attach a document.

Usually used in the negative.

Example:

Sender - "Please design the solution in accordance to the attached requirement's document"

Response - "I am sorry that I lack technological osmosis skills, please attach the attachment to the previous email."

by J. Steel February 11, 2010

Technological Singularity

When we reach a point where we cannot understand our own technology, but it can understand us.

When mankind reaches a technological singularity, we're fucked.

by Ghost Freeman February 22, 2004

Technologically Retarded

One who has no grasp of technology, no matter how times one has to explain how to use something electronic

Wife: Honey what button do I push to turn on the stereo
husband: You are so Technologically Retarded, press the Audio button

by RyeDawg II November 1, 2011

technologist

A person who has a lot experience with a variety of computing technologies, including networking, sys admining, programming, and researching shit on the internet, and can very quickly pick up new technologies. Typically good at communicating and teaching.

The new, radical press organization in town is hiring a few staff technologist to train journalist on how to encrypt their emails.

by rivergods April 1, 2015

technological rape

the act of plugging the wrong cord into the wrong device. Usually occurs in the dark when your fumbling through a plethora of cords.

cell phone charger into ipod, ipod charger into laptop, laptop charger into cell phone = technological rape

by Skandar December 24, 2010