I've fallen and I can't get up 

A really annoying catchphrase from the late 80's/early 90's that originated from a commercial for a paramedical emergency radio for the elderly. During the commercial, and old lady falls off her walker and in the most pathetic tone of voice possible, utters this phrase into the advertised device.

Before everyone and their mom was screaming "I'm Rick James, bitch" they were screaming "I've fallen and I can't get up" in a sad attempt to be funny and witty.

I've fallen and I can't get up by Dassh September 8, 2004

I Can Only Piss with the Cock I've Got 

Used by someone when another person isn't satisfied with something they do, not due to a lack of effort but because they had limited resources to do something with.

Barry is doing a house extension with limited tools/workforce. His boss arrives

Boss: "Jesus Barry how long is this going to take you? What am I paying you for?!"

Barry: "Come on boss, I can only piss with the cock I've got..."

I Can Only Piss with the Cock I've Got by come_on_england October 16, 2008

fart can 

The type of annoying muffler found on many pos compact cars today. Often capable of setting off car alarms and deafening infants. Most pitiful sounding on cars with automatic transmission.

Can you hear it, its a rice rocket coming; you can hear the fart can on it half a mile away.

fart can by dieselpower May 28, 2006

you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink 

Something that you say which means you can give someone the opportunity to do something, but you cannot force them to do it if they do not want to.

I made all the arrangements, bought the ticket, and even took him to the airport, but he just wouldn't get on the plane. Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink by brucelennon August 21, 2016

You can sleep me under the table any day 

Gay

"You can sleep me under the table any day"

-zeroNine

You can sleep me under the table any day by MeowMixturesOfDoom2010 August 4, 2010

a can of whoopass 

A phrase used to indicate that the target is about to be introduced to a whole world of pain. Specifically, you, by opening this can, are going to unleash the power of whooping (that is, in the sense of attacking and beating, not in the sense of whooping cough) upon their sorry ass.

1. Specific use:
Jerry paused in thought.
"For what you have said about my mother, my girlfriend, and the proud ancestry of my forebears," he announced, "I have every intention of opening a can of whoopass."

2. General form:
"If <offending body> continues with <offending action>, it is totally time to open a can of whoopass"

a can of whoopass by Ben Graham October 12, 2005

Shit in a Can 

Colloquial name for canned 'all day breakfast'. So named due to the rancid nature of the contents included, evoking the aesthetic quality of rotting faeces. Originally coined by Lonk, who ironically ate this product on a regular basis, forming one of the staple foods of his diet.

"Mate, I'm having shit in a can for lunch."

"Didn't they use that stuff in 'Nam as a biological weapon against the Viet Cong?"

"I guess that would explain the rectal bleeding."

*Sound of can being opened*

Shit in a Can by Joseph Evans August 18, 2009