Poll Turtle 

An oddity, a rarity, something that should not happen, unexplained and unfortunate events, but essentially just a turtle sitting on a poll. Similar to Barack Obama.

One day a farmer was walking his fence. He came upon a poll turtle sitting atop one of one the fence polls. The farmer was puzzled. How did this turtle get atop of this fence? So the farmer walked up to the turtle and said "what are you doing here and who the fuck put you here?"

Poll Turtle by RattleMeSnake March 24, 2009

Horny Turtle Porn 

Porn that is so slow its like a turtle making love with another but still makes you horny as babyeee

"Man"- Jesus christ almighty this is Horny Turtle porn!

"Woman"- I agree i think we should do it in slow motion dear

"Man"- Same Babe

"Woman"- Horny turtle porn here i come!

"Man"- Yeeee haaa

Horny Turtle Porn by Heather Wilson February 22, 2007

shat on a turtle 

shat = past tense of shit
turtle = penis

Related: mud on the turtle

Austin Powers: and she shat on a turtle.

shat on a turtle by sytelus July 30, 2010

play turtle 

When a persons share a bed or sleeping bag and one person holds the other's head underneath the covers after a particularly potent fart. The victim is forced to breath the concentrated odor for an unspecified time.

My girlfriend and I went camping and we ate chilli and then I showed her how to play turtle.

play turtle by ClarkGable January 15, 2015

awkward silence turtle 

One of many useful hand gestures to use when stuck in an awkward situation. Made by placing one hand on top of the other and wiggling your thumbs as though they are flippers.

The dead awkward silence turtle is also fun, made with your palms facing up, and is a much more amusing silence breaker.

Mandy: "Hey how was saturday night?"

Tim: "I had sex with a transexual"
Mandy:*awkward silence turtle*

Tim:"Turns out it was your brother."
Mandy: *dead awkward silence turtle"

awkward silence turtle by Karakas August 14, 2009

Embarassed Turtle 

Taking the limp penis and pushing in back into you as far as it can go. Then you take the loose scrotum (best when out of a hot-tub or hot shower) and fold it from under, on to the top of your penis therefore resembling a turtle hiding in its shell.

The Embarassed Turtle, the Bat Wing, and the Brain are some of my favorite penis molding techniques during boredom.

Embarassed Turtle by Fox Man October 24, 2007

Mud turtle 

Extremely large African female with attitude.

Big ole fukin mud turtle tried to pick a fight.

Mud turtle by Stefex13 July 28, 2012