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Critical fat-cock theory

This only thing you WON'T steal and promulgate.
Hym "Nobody else thinks that's weird? They'll steal EVERYTHING BUT critical fat-cock theory! That isn't weird to anyone else? God, I think it's weird. Don't you? Critical fat-cock theory! The ultimate theory! So profound it terrifies scholars and charlatans alike."
by Hym Iam April 22, 2024
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The mushroom theory of management

An old, time-honored management technique in large corporations.

1. Keep your employees in the dark.
2. Feed them shit.
3. When they grow up, cut them off at the roots.
The CEO of XYZ Corp is a big believer in the mushroom theory of management.
by Hot Licks July 21, 2020
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Keyboard Theory

When suddenly everybody wants to play with a toy or item (like a keyboard) that has been buried under the bed or tucked away in a closet for years.
Raul: I found this keyboard under the bed. I'm gonna learn how to play the Star Wars theme on it.
Brock: Hey! Gimme that! It's mine!!!
Raul: It's been collecting dust under the bed for 5 years and now suddenly you want to play it? That's Keyboard Theory.
by phalagen June 18, 2013
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Conspiracy theory

What about Fat-Cock Self-Preservation Theory, Cody? What do you think of that one? The most profound and accurate conspiracy theory on the web!
Hym "How's this for a conspiracy theory: The accusations of liar and grifter do nothing to hurt right-wing pundits EXPLICITLY BECAUSE they aren't intended to hurt them but, rather, deflate the value of liar and grifter accusations in a deliberate attempt to cover for ineffective political opposition. Because sure you're calling them a liar and a grifter but if you can keep them in the forefront of people's minds you can keep out the MORE EFFECTIVE opposition out of the lime light and maintain the status quo. So, denigrating the political opposition ISN'T TO GET YOU TO STOP LISTENING TO JORDAN PETERSON... It to get you to focus on Jordan Peterson instead of me. Because he is harmless and ineffective and I am not."
by Hym Iam April 12, 2024
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The Barbie Theory

When a show or movie has the animated main character be an actor that plays the main role in every film in order to give the viewers a sense of false reality while creating the most legendary franchise (and fandom) ever.
e.g

person1 : "this new animated movie came out where the main character turns out to be an actor and has bloopers at the end"
person2 : Oh yeah that movie uses the barbie theory to engage the viewers more.
by pole101 August 23, 2023
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theory-fiction

Trust as fiction.

Specifically trust as an appearance.

Trust-as-aesthetic.

Trust as an epistemology or structure-of-truth.
Theory-fiction argues that truth is expressed in terms of language and trust is expressed in terms of an aesthetic (structure-of-truth).
by tomorrowtomorrow December 14, 2018
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New-Phone Theory

When you are out of ideas to tell your friend why he cannot get a girlfriend, or female attraction. So you have to be nice and say it’s the quality of his camera, say he needs a new phone.
No Jacob, you’re not ugly. Just get a new phone, the women will be all around you! It’s called the New-Phone Theory!
by Djay_man July 7, 2021
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