Jessica Alba

An alternative to porn when men want to masturbate.

Example 1:

Jerking
Every
Second
Savagely
Imagining
Caressing
Alba
And
Licking
Beautiful
Alba

Example 2:

Joe: Hey Bob, you wanna go drinking at the bar tonight?

Bob: Nah, there's always a huge traffic jam up there every Friday. I think I'm gonna stay home and masturbate.

Joe: If I am at the liberty of asking, to whom or what will you be pleasuring yourself to this evening?

Bob: I don't know, I'm getting bored of the same old stuff.

Joe: What about Jessica Alba? She really gets my balls brewing!

Bob: Great idea! She's also been falsely regarded as the "sexiest woman alive" for quite some time now. Sexiest woman in the fucking Known Universe is more like it!

Joe: Fuck yeah! Now go fap off to that shit!

Bob: I will!

Example 3:

John: Did you see that chick that just walked by? What a babe, I would chop off my legs and arms just to have the opportunity to eat her shit.

Jay: Yeah, she's a total Jessica Alba.

by TZG_Eleven June 14, 2011

Jesus Nade

A phrase used in Shooter type games that involve Grenades.

Usually a randomly thrown Grenade that seems to come out of nowhere and kill you.
Upon watching the "Killcam" you discover the Grenade bounced off 4 different walls before finally detonating directly where you are.

Sometimes followed by a "Rage Quit".

BLaacKeN: Watch this nade spot FTW. I bet i get a double.

*throws nade*
*nade kills trevasco on the other side of the map*

trevasco: Wow where the fuck did that shit come from?!

*watches killcam*

trevasco: Yeah i WOULD get hit with a Jesus Nade.
Thanks alot Infinity Ward. Way to fuck up.

"trevasco left the game"

by BLaacKeN March 9, 2010

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph

The pinnacle of Catholic blasphemous interjections. Often shouted, and done so only when the situation calls for it.

*A giant brown bear runs into the middle of the road, as you are driving down it*

You: JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH! *Swerve*

by A Non-E Moose December 11, 2007

jesus is my homeboy

One whos homeboy is jesus.

Jesus is my homeboy fo life.

by cartman5000 August 9, 2004

Jeslin

an awesomely cool kid from the bay area

"DANNGG! Jeslin's HELLAA awesome!"

by thatonecoolkid June 22, 2008

super jesus

Super Jesus was formed in 5 A.D. when he conquered the Romans, and ate their souls to gain their power. Super Jesus has the extreme power of 100 Jesus' put together and has abs that you can break walnuts over. He has been known to hold a bigass hammer and is often smiting anything in his path. He is also the father of Captain Planet and Super Man.

Any real example of Super Jesus would implode the universe 10 times over.

by fritzicles March 8, 2007

Jessie

she is a well rounded individual that likes to flip you off. she is genuine like no one else and is a very smart lady. she has got like feet like a china doll and a thicccc ass. she tends to have curly hair that is super pretty. she likes to eat ALL the time especially in bio class. when you see you just want to shout JESSICA because she is such a silly goose, she just needs to jump in the pond.

Person 1: Do you see that little puta?
Person 2: Ya why?
Person 1: That is jessie. Ain’t she thicccc.

by Hehehe112 February 23, 2020