I don't really like it. You know? It really is kind of a mind fuck and the more you
think about it the worse it... Sounds? Is that the right word? It "sounds" bad in your head the more you
think about it? Because I could say "is" I guess but thinking about life doesn't
necessarily make it worse.
I often feel guilty about my life. I don't really suffer very much outside of my own mind. I'm not even entirely unhappy. I spend most of my days laughing and having a good time. I have good people around me. The only real thing I have to complain about is the
existence fee imposed on me by an unfeeling government that is hovering over me. Laying in wait to put me in a cage. It's not death that I worry about. It's that I'm trapped in a game of "defeat or serve". And yes I'm aware of the implications of acting out solipsism in the actual world and that's not something I actively engage in. The outcomes are often
predictable and the outcome is always the same. Not
hard to get thrown for a loop every once and a while but life tends to be more thematic that is does chaotic.